I could never forgive myself.
I was selfish, and I still am.
I hate this feeling of selfishness.
I hate myself for not have treated you the way I wanted to treat you now.

But its too late now.
You've made your stand and the least I could do is to respect your decision.
I realise saying sorry doesn't change a thing.
Actions speaks louder than words.

And to think that the gym would be close till next monday, holy crap.
I'm so frustrated in myself that at this moment, the only thing that can make me feel better is to either A, she giving me another chance, or B, go for training, do sparring and kick some ass.. or get my ass kicked..
The feeling of fighting, the adrenaline, really releases those frustration.
And with the gym closed till next Monday, is so not helping me at all.

So now, I gotta wait till next week and release the frustration only then.
For now, I gotta live through it day by day.

Every night, every day, I think about you.
Sure, my selfish side wants to let you go but when I think thoroughly, it would be my lost.
And I do not want to live any regrets when it comes to you, Angel.

Even when you don't see a future between us, I still do.
Even when you want us to just move on, I will try
Even when you told me you want to be just friends, I shall try.
Im doing all this because I want to respect your decision and at the same time try again to woe you.
I might fail, you might continue with your stand of just being friends.
But nonetheless, this is the least I can do to salvage what we had.

But at the same time, I am so scared that I'll make you cry again
Making you cry is never my intention since 2008.
I've always wanted to bring joy, not misery and heartache to your life.

Thus why, I'm gonna take my time, and figure it out on how to make you feel that I am worth it again for you.
But then again, am I even worth it for you?
Soalan bonus.
Who knows.
Whatever it is, I could never imagine my life without you when I'm old, and that's for sure.

I've got so many negative things to say but I won't.
I'll just be more frustrated and angry at myself.



Okay, im done.
God bless.

p.s. I miss your touch, your laughter, your smile.. everything about you, Angel.. =(