hello ppl!!! been so long since i've updated..so anw, juz got back frm camp at PA at pasir ris there....well, honestly, when i 1st met my group, i thot they're a bunch of nerds la...well, i was sorely mistaken, as always....haha...they're soooo fun la! but then, there were only me, idris, faiz n melvin...4 guys only out of 17 ppl!!! so ya, e others were e gals la...hmmm...wat else...oh ya!!! there was faiz...he's such an amazing guy!!! he can cook, he can choreograph, he can dance, he can sing...omg la!!! if only he was a woman, i'd married him n live a happy life!!! any gal that get him ah, i say, is one lucky woman la...haha.. anw, camp was fun...was glad tat i ended up wif them cuz i heard there were trouble wif the rest of e group's members...i think my group was the best la...but then again, thats wat i think...haha...then during camp fire, we had a skit, cheer n dressing up competition...we won e cheer competition obviously...lol..was held during e campfire...then, e dressing comp, i got dressed up as a samurai!!! yeay!!! but unfortunately, my armour made of newspaper n toilet roll la...but it was ok...i turned out to b such an ass...YES!
haha...adam became rachel during e dressing up competition..he looked like a cupid wif newspaper covering his lower part of e body...n ffs!!! can see his thighs la!!! ew!!! haha..then there was indera who wore like a er...some drag queen??? hahha...he named himself, "sarah"...haha... omg la...lol...another gal become a mummy...she had to walk slowly la or else her costume wud juz tore apart..lol...yeaaaa...fun la e camp....mr dev was e facilitator for my group...great yet soft guy...haha...so fast la e camp ended but yet, within e 3 days i was away, alot of things happened...ohwell...
jammed ytd...instead of 2 solid hours, we ended up jamming for an hour since shaz hafta send his gf home...jam kat tampines lak tu...but the place not bad...
ohwell....shag siaaaa.....
during e camp too, i might haf found someone new...
i dunno..she seems to be....erm....i mean, she's not hot, she aint pretty but yet im into her...
weird but nth gonna happen la i guess...
another is alr in my life...now, maybe juz ignore e feelings n let time do its job...
slow n steady bradderrr...
haha.....ok, kepala pening alr...
bye
Sunday, September 17, 2006
using my sis's laptop now....i feel very drained...i dunno wat to do...
my head doesnt agree wif my heart...i dunno wat to do...
i wanna take a step back, but she always hold on to me so tat i'd stay where i am...
in a dilemma i am...
questions i have alot...
answers i do not have...
to follow my heart...
or to follow what make sense...
im literally drained...
i need to rethink my decision that i have made...
i just wish i make the right one...
i pray that it benefits the both of us....
ANW, enuf of emo shit...im an uncle!!! yeay!!! her name is er...i dunno how to spell it le..
hahaha!!!! but anw, she brings new life into my family...ohwell...
anw, didnt jam again last fri...sooooo mcm nak quit abe buat band baru...
or even juz retire la....wtf!!! haha...anything else???
hmmm...thats ll for now..
PEACE!!!
Friday, September 15, 2006
she called...she sounded better...was upset abt her fren being drunk...but i feel there's more to it...
AZHAR!!! stop assuming!!!
i shud juz die so tat i can stop being so pessimistic!!! i dun even know how to spell tat werd la!!!
anw, california fitness looks like a gud place to werk at for my attachment nxt yr...
hmmm....california or PE teacher...i wanderrrrrr
ok bye
well, it was great while it lasted..we went to nxt stage too fast...i needed to slow things down abit...get to know a little bit more in depth abt her...honestly, she made me feel alive...literally...she made me become who i was during sec sch...u noe, the i-dun-giv-a-rat's-ass-of-wat-u-think-abt-me attitude...n during those few days, i relive those crazy days again...it was fantastic! her eyes were like magnet n i was always drawn to tat...but like i said, we moved on to the nxt stage too fast...tried to let her know abt it juz now...i sincerely hope she's fine wif it cuz c'mon, whenever a gal says they're alrite, in actual fact, they're not...well, i hope she is ok...n if not, i wish tat she wud juz tell me...right now, i juz wan us to b close n u noe, share random stuff together...dun wish to get intimate wif her cuz c'mon, i got bitten by her alr, if u guys get wat i mean...ergh!!! i juz wish time wud move faster cuz im scared that she'll juz drift away frm me...
honestly, i thot i was doin the right thing...but after hearing her voice, i began to doubt wat i say...i juz pray tat she'll forgive me if i make her sad/angry/dissappointed/ or wateva feeling tat she's feeling now...i juz wan to take things slowly...
enuf of emo shit...tmr might b jamming...but then again, i dunno...if no jamming, then off to gig at ij then...been ard a month since i went to any gig...hmm...maybe wud b seeing fatimah, kin n maybe oso vinoden since he's band's gonna perform...ouhhhh...i hope the usual kids wud come down rather than punks...i scared punks laa....wif the spike on their jacket n all..sakit laa...
lol...well, then after tat maybe goin to some bbq stuff at pasir ris...si fidah gi organise...wander who'd b there....hmmmmm(wandering)....
well, thats all folks...
p.s. i pray that the lord wud forgive my sins...
Monday, September 11, 2006
she makes me feel weird...she sends tingles down my spine...
she makes my hand tremble whenever i wanna answer her call...
she makes me wait nxt to my phone everytime!!! wtf!!! omg omg omg....
god help me PLZ!!!
so ANW, hello ppl...today im FINALLY free frm business fundamentals module...
YESSAAA!!! the exam was ok...eventhou some questions i juz anyhow do...ohwell, trevor did say to at least write something; at least there's a 50% chance of me getting a mark or two...ohwell...
haha...well, tmr gonna go check out a jamming studio at tamp wif rasul n i hope to ask alex along...angry wif her but, miss her annoying-ness...lol...worse comes to worse, me n rasul lor...
then we can GAY together...lol..kidding!!! im straight la pplll..lol...
oh ya!!! juz remembered!!! next week wed to fri gonna b at pasir ris for some leadership camp...
well, honestly, im kinda looking forwerd to it...been awhile since ive been to any camps...
i juz hope there's no swimming or rock climbing involve...i suck at those two laa!!!
ergh!!! kent's not goin cuz of chicken pox!!! one less fucker to fuck ard wif...well, there's left wif fir, adam, leon, wan, indera n hayat...i think tats all...well, i hope we cud stil jam nxt week...
erks...aiya! we'll see...1st of all, i wanna meet her as soon as possible so tat i can determined if its worth it to put all my energy in it...i wanna feel 1st hand how i feel ard her presence..well, time will tell...
anw, i think tats all for now...
peace...
take care ppl...
Sunday, September 10, 2006
well, the most weirdest thing happened last nite...was on msn, as usual...then ended up chatting on e phone til 3am...well, after hanging up, i cudnt slp...her voice kept lingering in my ears...even my music therapy failed to make her voice disappear frm my ears...binget sak!!! then ended up dozing off ard 5 i think...shit la!!! well, asked her out today, but guess she cant make it...there's sooo much for me to do to live up to her expectations...PHEW!!! n i do mean ALOT...well, time will tell..her voice is veryyyy seducing??? lol...ok, sounds wrong...ohwell...
ANW, followed my mum n 1st sis to send my younger sis to clinic yesterday...she had flu laaa...then while was waiting for her turn, saw this toddler in his cradle...his eyes was all watery n seems as if he was about to cry...i kept looking at him and realise how sad he is...then, wif a touch of loving care, his mum carried him off his cradle and safely into his mum's arm...wif tat simple movement, it got me thinking how great it wud b to be a mum...i mean, hey, they go thru thick n thin JUZ to giv birth to us...so i guess its normal that they'll take care of their baby...i know tat my family n i dun mix ard much cuz my family is very conservative...so ya...
i juz wan god to know tat i'm sorry for yelling, screaming, bitching abt my mum...n oso, i wan her to oso know tat im sorry...i hope god wud do tat for me...well, yea...
tats all folks!!!
die!!! tmr bfd exam n i've yet to even open my book!!!
baik azhar!!!
lol
Friday, September 08, 2006
went wch at 9.30 to get bfd book to "study" for exam on monday, went to tamp gym, then off to prayers...i thot it was gonna b a great day u noe...right until when it was AFTER prayers...i thot we're living in a place where begging is extinct...but i was sorely mistaken...i saw abt 8 ppl stil begging for money...worst of all, they even ask along their kids to beg for money...i was like, WTF?!?!?! i mean...ergh!!! seriously, i had a whole lot to talk abt but now, to think of it again, i'm left speechless...i noe i live in a world where its unfair...look at the war in the middle east for crying out loud...where's the fairness in tat??? well, i cud juz brag on about it but HEY!!! wateva i say tat critisizes any sides, i'd get into trouble...so no thanks...i'd rather juz shut my mouth n pretend we live in a world of utopia...anw, i stil got a future ahead of me..well, at least i think i haf one....ANW, she didnt come to jamming again today...so predictable of her...EVERY time we book e bigger room for jamming, she sure wun come...i think tat room juz jinx la...lucky shaz came...well at least we improved a lil on some of e songs...i cant b bothered abt her excuses anymore...ask her if she confirm can make it n she was Ssssoooooooo sure she'd b coming la..
in e end, nvr come...(da ade band baru pe...band lama lupa ah..)
wtf la!
anw, yeaa...tats all for now u guys...
peace...
went wch at 9.30 to get bfd book to "study" for exam on monday, went to tamp gym, then off to prayers...i thot it was gonna b a great day u noe...right until when it was AFTER prayers...i thot we're living in a place where begging is extinct...but i was sorely mistaken...i saw abt 8 ppl stil begging for money...worst of all, they even ask along their kids to beg for money...i was like, WTF?!?!?! i mean...ergh!!! seriously, i had a whole lot to talk abt but now, to think of it again, i'm left speechless...i noe i live in a world where its unfair...look at the war in the middle east for crying out loud...where's the fairness in tat??? well, i cud juz brag on about it but HEY!!! wateva i say tat critisizes any sides, i'd get into trouble...so no thanks...i'd rather juz shut my mouth n pretend we live in a world of utopia...anw, i stil got a future ahead of me..well, at least i think i haf one....ANW, she didnt come to jamming again today...so predictable of her...EVERY time we book e bigger room for jamming, she sure wun come...i think tat room juz jinx la...lucky shaz came...well at least we improved a lil on some of e songs...i cant b bothered abt her excuses anymore...ask her if she confirm can make it n she was Ssssoooooooo sure she'd b coming la..
in e end, nvr come...(da ade band baru pe...band lama lupa ah..)
wtf la!
anw, yeaa...tats all for now u guys...
peace...
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
hey ppl!!! at sch now...i think there's BFD lesson ah but heck care la...so mendak la the lesson...
so decided to come MLC instead...anw, reach sch at 9...padahal class start at 8...HAHAHAHA!!!
so ANW, slpt frm 8.30pm to 11.30 pm last nite...then terbangun la...cuz the house was as usual, noisy...tak boleh tahan...i mean it was like, at 11pm la for fcuking sake!!! sheesh!! dun u ppl understand its late at nite alr.?? sheesh!!! yea, then was unable to slp la...so decided to disturb some frens thru sms-es...haha...only one replied la!!! (okla, actually sms-ed her only) who's the her, for me to know, for u ppl NOT to know...dun b sooooo KPO can??? haha...yea...sms for like half an hour, then decided to call her la.chat like two mad ppl frm 11.45 to 3.30 in e mrng...honestly, i missed the days where i juz yack n yack over the phone...furthermore, noone was there to like disturb me la! so gerek....haha...well, yea...last nite was the most happiest nitex ever la...haha...ok, sounds wrong but yea...gerek dok!!! LOLZ...
ok, enuf abt tat...so yea...
DIEEEeeee...nxt week business fundamentals n sport sci EXAMMMM!!!
AHHHH!!! da la dpt C for my ISS for e CA3..nabe cb!!! geram la..!!! more surprising to me was tat shaz got an A!!! haha...not tryin to look down on ur bro, but its like, ur life is more hectic than mine n yet u score better!!! haha...gud job anw bro...i juz hope he wun kill me...haha...
hmmm...well, ltr at 2.30 gonna go meet tat henson bay guy at gym for some gym stuff...
feel llike a lab rat la cuz trevor said they wanted to "experiment" on something...i oso dunno la..
we'll see...can't wait for this week to end...
and finally, JAMMING ON FRIDAY!!!
YEAY!!! i hope no more migraines after screaming la...sooooo annoying..
wells, tats it for now...keep it cool ppl...
take care readers...
n remember,
if u wanna smoke,
dun smoke cigarette,
BUT, smoke cigar!!!
more cooler...
n most probably die faster...
LOL...
ok bye
Monday, September 04, 2006
she wasnt what i expected her to be...honestly, i TRIED to change my feelings towerds her; after seeing what she's done to the family, i was willing to give another chance...was praying to the lord she'll change...but instead, she's still the same..no clue who i'm talking abt???
its okay...doesnt concern u guys...only those who reli noe me wud noe who i'm talking abt..
haiz...keep harrassing my parents wif her own fucking problems...WTF LA!!!
nabe cb...well, cannot do much abt it...
hope karma wud juz bite her in the future n let her taste her own medicine...
forgive me lord for this hatred as i cant content it anymore...
well, finally done wif OFA!!!!
damn it...still got BFD n ISS to go nxt week...
wish me luck!!!
Sunday, September 03, 2006
i dunno wat to do...i think i'm in a dilemma...or am i juz choosy?? bein alone is weird afterall tat haf happen to me for e past 2 yrs...i've begin to b dependant on others...i'm not used to being alone whenever i go anywhere...i tend to feel lonely nowadays cuz i dun haf anyone tat i can really trust or anyone tat i close to me to share my thots wif...i thot having this blog wud help me lessen the burden tat i've carried since god knows when...but instead, its still the same...
right now, abt the loneliness part, i dunno wat to do...theirs alot of options but i dunno which is the right option to follow...
if i were to follow my heart, i wun b using my brains to think of the outcome...
if i were to follow my head, it wun b sensible as it wun affect me much since my heart wud juz b in e way n wud question my option...
i juz dunno...i lost the smile, the happiness a long time ago...is it lost forever?? hmmm....
or is it in some place tat i'm unable to reach cuz i'm juz too blind to see it?? oh my god!!!
tolooooong!!! if its not meant to be wif any, juz make my heart cold, pls??? at least by tat, i dun hafta think abt this, which other juz simply say its a minor issue...
to some, yes, its a minor issue... but for me, its a
HUGE issue as it will determine if i'll ever find tat spontenous, crazy, faggot-ish, idiotic,simply annoying, sporting like hell azhar again...
well honestly, i need tat personallity rite now cuz tats e only way for me to really get a long wif my classmates..or else, chaos wud juz come in play n ruin the relationship tat i haf wif them..
great bunch..theyre fucking caring...so now, i gotta play my part...
but i juz need tat old azhar again!!!
damn it!!!
bye ppl
Saturday, September 02, 2006
so fucked up la!!! been having sore throat every mrng la...ergh!!! tiap2 pagi bangun je, it'll start to hurt...i'd haf difficulty to even swollow my own saliva!!! damn it!!! been 2 weeks alr like tat...ergh..if stil e same by nxt week, go doctors ah...anw, didnt jam this week since rasul had to werk at expo..well, honestly, i'm relieved tat we didnt jam ytd cuz i wished to rest my vocal cords u seeeeeeeeee....but then again, miss e mic...haha!!!
anw, i wander if i'm gonna get to go to KL on e 25th sept for e overseas attachment stuff...e interview was held on last wednesday...nerve wrecking la...there were esna, vivien, aisyah hockey, aishah cine, fatin n me...I THINK tats all la..haha..oh ya..n obviously me la...was e last wan to b interviewed...so ANW, felt like the APPRENTICE la!!! we all sat in one straight line, then fuchang asked us one by one why we wanna go to KL...lol...i was like gabra alr la cuz all e things i wanted to say the gals all whack alr...i was left wif my useless sense of humor to talk wif them la...confirm tak menjadi nye...haha...ANW, forgot to mention, I WAS E ONLY GUY IN TAT ROOM!!! die sia!!! stress!!! hhaa...but nonetheless, they are my "sisters"...so wateva...if i dun get in, i hope at least one of them did...all e best to those who went for e interview!!!
hmmm...anything else or not??? guess thats all...
tireed la to talk abt gals anymore...
the nonok king haf stepped down n become e store man
haha!!! only a few ppl wd get it but nvm...
so take care readers!!!
p.s. gud luck to those taking their Nlevel this monday!!!
thank god i'm done wif tat...
