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Azhar
An Abstract of Your Poison

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Friday, January 23, 2009

this is the part where i say *fill in the blanks*


ok, im done...
god bless..

happy 4th month Angel...
your just awesome...

=)

ok, im done..
god bless..

ASS-har :: 11:32 PM

Thursday, January 15, 2009

nice going, asshole
you ruin it now
and there's no turning back
im sorry
i didnt mean to hurt you..

ASS-har :: 11:56 AM

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Wars...
the killings...
it'll never stop...
until we self destruct...
until we kill ourselves...
until we seize to exist...

and then we'd be satisfied with ourselves...

till then, it'll be too late...


ok, im done...
god bless..

ASS-har :: 2:53 AM

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

breathing got heavy
my heart begins to pound heavily
my brain starts thinking of brutality

i need fucking help
i do not wish to be so angry
i dont like making people worry
about me
only my knuckles it seems to understand me
without them, i dont know what i'll be
even music have lost its taste to me
the agony of skin touching the pillars of buildings with such ferocity
seems to be the answer for me
the agony just sinks in deep with the anger
it suits well with the anger
like long lost lovers, now back together to create more suffering

surprisingly, the feeling's soothes my heart
unknowingly its bad for me

no more patience
no more the good fucking guy

i just cant fucking take it anymore
i just cant
one wrong move, and i'll explode..
thats why i know i need help
but to think about it, what the fuck can they do?
what?
what?
what?

talking is such a waste of time...
it doesnt really works for me...
not anymore..
faith, has lost its touch with me..
my prayers to be patient has lost its meaning to me...

i just hope my prayers are fucking answered..
i do not wish to feel so fucking angry
i just hope my friends would understand me better...
i do not wish to trouble them with myself
i just hope it wont appear infront of my family
i do not wish for them to be the victim of my anger..
i just hope Angel's alright...
call it paranoid, call it suspicious, i just cant help to think about her safety 24/7...

all the laughters; gone
all the jokes; almost gone
all the smiling faces; 0.01%

what the fuck is wrong with me?
what the fuck is wrong with you, azhar?

ASS-har :: 11:51 PM

Sunday, January 04, 2009

life
its beginning to take its toll
the boredom of life
i do not see the point of doing anything else
reached to the point where, "okay, now what?"

what am i suppose to do now?

mundane, anger and frustration is what i know these days..

fuck
fuck
fuck

what to do now?
what?

ASS-har :: 12:00 PM

"like a droplet of water falling into a calm sea..
that droplet could create a mini size wave, affecting the calmness of the sea.."

which means, one person's doing could change the outcome of an event...


ok, im done..
god bless

ASS-har :: 12:40 AM

Saturday, January 03, 2009

its just so frustrating
for years, i've followed by the rules
for years, i believed that that is the right thing to do
for years, i've been patient with everyone
everyone whoever teased me, made fun of me, instruct me against my will; everyone...
just fucking everyone..
there's always a limit to everyone's level of tolerance..
well, i guess, tonight, it just hit my maximum..
this would be the second time i feel so fucking pissed within 2 months...
damn, now thats a fucking record

i bet you readers have either no idea what im talking about or just cant be fucking bothered..
well, honestly, i dont care..
this is a fucking blog where you could speak out your ideas, your feelings...
well, here i am..doing just fucking that...

its just one of those days where you just feel pissed 24/7

fuck fuck fuck

im fucking turning 21 this year and still im being treated like a 12 year old..
fucking hell...
im turning legal for god's sake..
ergh

for once, why cant i be like any other adolescent who just do whatever he/she wants..
for once, i question my principles; my priorities..
for once, i just feel like punching non-stop
for once, i just feel like shutting myself up

putting that aside, there's another thing that im just pissed about..
i've been teased since i was a kid
primary school, secondary school, ITE..
even now, and some, even by my own friends..
well, i realise that sometimes, its just a joke to them..
and im fine with it..
but at times, i just feel inferior to them..
with them laughing at me sure reminds me of how pathetic i am..

i feel useless..
i feel weak..
i feel like a coward..
i feel demoralised from it..

furthermore, im not good at quarrelling with words..
and hence, i just shut the fuck up whenever someone either jokingly critisize me or just gave a passing comment about me..
at times, yes, i just see it as a passing remark..
but over time, it adds on..

aku tahu la aku bodoh..
but no need to call me that right?
i know im stupid..
i know i screwed up my olevel's..
but u do not need to remind me of how stupid i am, can?

thank you

thats fucking all..
im just tired with the way everyone's treating me..

fuck
fuck
fuck

ok, im done..
god bless...

fuck you

ASS-har :: 1:16 AM

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