fuck fuck fuck

2011-07-22T18:39:00.000+08:00

I know I was the fool
I've screwed things up beyond repair
I thought I was doing the right thing but instead it backfired
I'm the one to blame
Even though I still want you, I know deep down I can't have you
The only reason I'm still around is to have believe that you'd still be mine and mine alone
It breaks my heart to see you with him

"The men are demoralised and out of munition. But they still have faith in their hearts that they'll win the battle against their foes. Fixing their bayonets, they charge; the last stand. They'll fight till the last man standing. They will not surrender. But before the day was over, only a few survived waving a white flag over their heads; exhausted, beaten and faithless.."

I miss you love..
As of now, I'm holding on to you only by a thread..
I do not know for how long I can hold on but I'll try
That's all I can do..

I love you Angel.. :(

2011-02-13T02:29:00.000+08:00

I may not be smart, I may not be creative
I may not be handsome, I may be ugly
I may not be cool, I may be slacky

But whatever it is, my family still loves me and that's all the love that a person need in their entire life...

ok im done..
god bless..

2011-02-03T22:58:00.000+08:00

I could never forgive myself.
I was selfish, and I still am.
I hate this feeling of selfishness.
I hate myself for not have treated you the way I wanted to treat you now.

But its too late now.
You've made your stand and the least I could do is to respect your decision.
I realise saying sorry doesn't change a thing.
Actions speaks louder than words.

And to think that the gym would be close till next monday, holy crap.
I'm so frustrated in myself that at this moment, the only thing that can make me feel better is to either A, she giving me another chance, or B, go for training, do sparring and kick some ass.. or get my ass kicked..
The feeling of fighting, the adrenaline, really releases those frustration.
And with the gym closed till next Monday, is so not helping me at all.

So now, I gotta wait till next week and release the frustration only then.
For now, I gotta live through it day by day.

Every night, every day, I think about you.
Sure, my selfish side wants to let you go but when I think thoroughly, it would be my lost.
And I do not want to live any regrets when it comes to you, Angel.

Even when you don't see a future between us, I still do.
Even when you want us to just move on, I will try
Even when you told me you want to be just friends, I shall try.
Im doing all this because I want to respect your decision and at the same time try again to woe you.
I might fail, you might continue with your stand of just being friends.
But nonetheless, this is the least I can do to salvage what we had.

But at the same time, I am so scared that I'll make you cry again
Making you cry is never my intention since 2008.
I've always wanted to bring joy, not misery and heartache to your life.

Thus why, I'm gonna take my time, and figure it out on how to make you feel that I am worth it again for you.
But then again, am I even worth it for you?
Soalan bonus.
Who knows.
Whatever it is, I could never imagine my life without you when I'm old, and that's for sure.

I've got so many negative things to say but I won't.
I'll just be more frustrated and angry at myself.

Okay, im done.
God bless.

p.s. I miss your touch, your laughter, your smile.. everything about you, Angel.. =(

2010-12-11T14:43:00.000+08:00

What do you do when you're involved with someone for a couple of years and things just don't go your way anymore?
What do you do when you don't know which one's to choose from when you're in a dilemma?
And no, I'm not talking about a 3rd party involved.
As time passes, you realise you love em so much, but along the way, you just lose yourself..
You become to dependant on your partner that you realise you can't live without them..
I hate the feeling..
For years I was the guy who is independant and don't give a fuck about what you do because you don't matter in my life.
But once you've spend a couple of years together, slowly but surely, you grow fond of them and rely too much on your partner to a point of losing your own sense of identity..

Don't get me wrong, love..
You're like the only girl that I'll take a bus straight from school/work just to meet you when you ask me to; no matter how tired and exhausted I am..
You're the only girl that makes me want to travel the world see places of which I never had the intention to in the beginning..
You're the only girl that I teared for before going off on my one month escapade overseas..
You're the only girl that I brought home to meet my family, even if it was only once or twice throughout our journey together..
You're the only girl that did things for me that I never would have thought that girls would do..
You're the only one that my family talks about every now and then..
You're the only one that would pamper me like a small boy every now and then, and i'll admit it, i liked it..
You're like the only girl that annoys me so much that I feel like kissing you and hug you tightly..

But now that we're gonna be apart, I don't know what's gonna happen..
My main question would be, would there still gonna be "us" in the future?
All the talks about having a kid together and sending them to piano class or muay thai classes..
Would that ever happen?
Or is it just a dream that the both of us shared?

Whatever happens..
Know this love..
I hope you'll stay healthy and take care of your stomach..
When you cant bare the pain, close your eyes and talk to God..
Its been awhile since the both of us spoke to him and I think, its a good time for us to reach out to Him again..
I have never loved anyone else like how I loved you..
Be aware that if things just don't work out again between us, know this; I'll cherish every laughter, tears, kisses and hugs that we've shared together.. And the worse part, I know, one day, when I look back at this, I'll regret we go our separate ways..
I'll regret letting you go..
I miss you my dear..
I'll miss you my Angel..
And deep down, I still love you..

^.^v + ^_^v = ?

2010-08-12T17:42:00.000+08:00

I've never had much confidence in myself, let it be in performance or in sports. As a kid, I grew up being teased alot by my peers about my size and maybe that's the reason why I'm always the goalkeeper when it comes to playing soccer (besides the fact that I was lazy to chase after the ball.. hahaha).
Even when I was in the school's soccer team in secondary school, I was the second choice. When I'm in secondary 4, joined the rugby team, and again, I was always on the bench playing only about 15 to 20 minutes left on the clock. Ever since then, I never thought of doing team sports anymore. Seems like my best wasnt good enough to be in the first team. Tried out capoeira when I started out Polytechnic. Fell in love with that art ever since I watched Only The Strong when I was a kid. It's such a beautiful and graceful art. But after 6 months, other than the fact that I didnt have enough cash to pay for both capoeira and muay thai, I opted for muay thai. I suppose, I'm just not build for those kind of flying around with kick's kinda martial art. Been sticking to muay thai ever since... =)

I had my first ever performance with my first ever band called Blackrose. We played One Last Breathe by Creed. It was awesome i suppose. Cant remember about that event vividly. The next official performance was when we played Helena by MCR and Clairvoyant Disease by A7x. That year, when we played, the mic went dead half way through our second song. I resorted to going infront of the crowd and singing the part out loud. After that, I found a new band. At first, there 2 guys and 2 girls. They were called All That's Left. We played A7x and Killswitch Engage. For our first jam, we were awesome. Then, we played on and on. Members changed. The only ones that left from that line up is me and the Rasul; my faggot drummer. In late 2006 if im not wrong, we got our first performance infront of an empty crowd.. How pathetic is that.. Ahwell.. but 4 years on, we're still strong. Minor and major bumps here and there. Members come and go. Hoping to complete an album before i serve the nation though.

After all that, I can safely say I'd rather accomplish things on my own and have confidence infront of a crowd. But when it comes to girls, damn, am i sucha doofus. I finally added a girl I was fancied a long time ago. I saw her when we went to the same prefect convention at YISS. First time i laid my eyes on her, I felt like seeing the most prettiest girl ever in my life. But I never thought much about it till when i was in RP. I realise that she was in the same school as me! Damn was i excited. But I know my limits. In school, she's a diver in the IG and plays touch rugby for RP. And me? I'm a nobody. Fuck. Done with school, either go to the gym or make my way down to FightG. Damn, what a lousy life I had in Poly life! fuck! urgh! Too late to make amends for myself now since I'm heading for Ipoh for my second semester. Damn it. Ahwell. A word of advice to any new RP students; LIVE A FUN AND HAPPY LIFE IN POLY! DONT BE LIKE ME!! HAHAHHAA..
Anyway, I finally made an effort to make a first move on getting to know her. Saw her during the so call school's "fire alarm" exercise. She was wearing a red singlet with jeans... Fucking hot as hell..
Told Adam about her.. Tried my luck, and true enough, she accepted my request. Now the tricky part is to just start a decent conversation with her. Damn..

Other than that, I really need to tone down my body. Urgh. I've been working hard for this body for years ever since 2003!! I'm sooo close to getting it but yet so far in getting the results. Fuck you spare tyres! Fuck youuuu!! *plays ERIS's Beauty Is Skin Deep Song*
I really hope to get it all by the time I fly off to Ipoh. To make sure Im on track, I've set Wanderlei Silva, The Axed Murderer's picture as my desktop picture. He will soooo inspire me to train hard..

For now, I'm done..
I wonder if anyone will read this though..
Ah well... FUCK YOUUUU *ERIS's song Beauty Is Skin Deep plays in the background*

I'm done..
God fucking bless...

2010-08-06T11:46:00.000+08:00

Combat Sports..

Fell in love with it early this year. I've never felt so much passion for this sport. I began to learn alot within the past month within this year. I've gain confidence, I've learn to overcome my fears and most of all, still going through with something even when I know there's a chance I might fail. But nonetheless, the most important thing that I've learn from the pass few months would be to stand back up, immediately when you fall. Like what Fedor Emelianenko mentioned after his shocking defeat at the hands of Mauricio Werdum, "The one who doesn't fall, never stand up." Upon hearing that phrase from the Last Emperor, it gave me alot of inspiration. It makes me more determined to not give up on my newly found passion for combat sports even though I get my ass kicked most of the time at the gym. Furthermore, the people at the gym are a bunch of nice people. Its damn obvious that I'm the weakest one there in terms of sparring. Thus, whenever I'm done with my round, they'll spot out my mistakes and even correct my stance and movements. It really touched me on how helpful they were during fight class. No words can describe how thankful I am to be training with all of them.

I hope when I leave for Ipoh for my internship I won't lose the passion for it. But I will surely keep myself updated about the fights happening all around the world. I surely hope after my internship is done, I'd be able to go down to Thailand and train there for about a week or two. I hope I'm not enlisted in the earlier part of 2011 though!

Ah well..
Feels good to blog again...

See ya fellas again...
Take care...

Ok, I'm done..
God bless...

2010-01-12T15:09:00.002+08:00

wassuuppp...
im bored...

bye byeeee....

2009-12-02T22:42:00.000+08:00

its easy to fail
its hard to succeed
for every failure
you have to ponder on it
realise your mistakes and learn from it
try your best never to repeat it
success is based on learning from your mistakes
once you do not repeat your mistakes, surely you have one lesser factor that might hinder you from being successful

there will be people around you to convince you that you're a failure if you dont do this or dont do that..
if you follow exactly what they say, then you are a failure
failure to stand on your grounds and say "No.."
it's easier to be influence by others
harder to be an influence itself
if you want to influence people, make sure you're influencing them about the good, and not the bad
bad influence can really hinder you from being a successful person
that hypothesis can be applied to everything that you want to be successful in

besides the people around you, you yourself can be a vice that can deny your success
many a times when you fail the first time, you'd feel like quitting.
at this point, do not quit.
that is the challenge
the challenge to continue on, even after failing
sure, its stressful
but calm yourself down.
think. think. think
think of ways that you can use to be successful.

people around you wont be able to help you
only you can help yourself to success
the people around you can only help and support you so much
but for the rest of the way, you gotta persist and struggle through to be successful.

good luck...

ok, im done...
god bless...
(i hope i made the right decision)

2009-11-20T23:29:00.001+08:00

war; its just a waste of time and material and human lives and money and everything else that you can come up with
nothing can ever satisfy men's desire to be the dominant one in this world.
this characteristic can be found millions of years ago ever since men first step on this earth.
humans then spawn throughout the world, forming their little own community to live by.
these small community then sprang up and became little towns, to cities and finally, to a country/kingdom.
that's what happen to the Romans. from a small little town in italy, they somehow manage to invade most of western europe, north africa and parts of the middle east.
their conquest for land, power and authority over other communities through the means of war.
war.
war.
war.
i think even before a bigger scale war happened, i think, it started off from men fighting each other to survive.
then, as time pass, and as humans became intelligent, survival wasnt important anymore. its all about being the dominant one.
the one who has the authority over the other.

its just sickening to hear about this.
but hey..
come to think about it, maybe war's a good thing
why?
human population on earth increases rapidly
while natural resources are depleting quickly.
it is estimated that by the year 2050, there wont be anymore fuel on earth (or left half of fuel on earth).
that's why u see scientist search frantically for traces of water on the moon or other planets or even seeing them creating new machines that operates without the use of fuel.
thus, i guess the universe came out with an equation to try and balance out the equation between resources and human lives.

they know earth is dying
we should also be aware that the earth is dying
its unavoidable
its inevitable
but the only thing we can do now, is to slow the process.
to really slow the process down, humans must understand the importance of earth itself.

arent u curious what's there after life?
i know i am...=)

ok, im done..
god bless..

2009-11-03T10:46:00.000+08:00

change.

alot of the people around me have done so.
either from bad or worse
it just frightens me on how they change.
for some, its due to the people that they mix with
whereas others, change because of time.
personally, i have yet to see someone change for the better.
or maybe i should look harder.
cuz sometimes, the things that you're looking for is right in your face and you dont even know it

it just scares me when people change
it just happens without any warning
i've seen people turn into someone that i could not relate to anymore..
some turned into someone that they abhor

the worst part is, i think i've changed as well..
and it frightens the hell out of me..
now that i've realise it, i dont know how to change back to my own original self.
i think, the reason for me to change is because of the people around me, and also time.
i guess, everyone changes...
but do you change for the better, or worse?
that's something that you do not have any control over..
it just happens..

now, does that mean that you're fated to change to be as such?
or its just a cause and effect; the consequences for your actions that cause you to change?

i guess, some questions are better left unanswered...

10,9,8,1_9,13,25

2009-10-17T05:04:00.000+08:00

another case of child abuse
and again, another case of the mum's bf becoming the assailant
and the worse part is, both stories involves young single parents (i think)

you've already won the custody of the child and yet you let a total stranger take care of them
what the fuck were you thinking woman(s)..?!?!
stupid or stupid??
fuck ah...
i get very agitated whenever the parents fail to take care of their child properly
its either A, they get the child killed; or B, spoiling the child and make him/her to be a very undesirable person in the future..

wah..seriously..
young parents know nuts about taking care of children ayy..
not saying that im any good with kids as well but cmon..
at least i didnt punch or headbutt the young ones..
they're fucking small and harmless..
why the fuck would you beat them??
does that make you tough, fucker??
come fuck around with me and see if you're tough..
if you beat me, then you'll have the right to brag and say you're tough, motherfucker..

eh fuck ah..
tired of all this stupid nonsense...
all they know is to have sex and have fun..
and when a child is produce, they dont even know how to take care of them properly..
eh buto ahh..
perangai macam sial...

ok, im fucking done..
god bless...
(RIP to the victims of child abuse..)

2009-10-15T23:12:00.000+08:00

"bad people" exist because of their victims
in one way or another, people would not do harm on others without a reason
for example, a husband would not do harm on his wife if she wasnt cheating on her
something like that
there's always a consequence to whatever people do
cause = effect
its plain simple

the only reason for these "bad people" to be deemed pure evil is he/she was mentally ill.
even that might have been the cause of a severe trauma that they underwent at some point of their lives that make them that way

another example would be murderers.
two types
one are those because they kill with a reason or because they were unable to control their emotions
the other, is because they're just pure insane
i'd rather give my sympathies to the first one.
why?
because everyone has their limits.
and when they decide to kill, maybe that's where they draw the line to their own limits.
its not the killers fault that they kill
from the way i look at it, it's the victims fault.
they ask for it..

but then again, this hypothesis doesnt apply to those who abuse or kill children
i simply hate those kind of people
killing someone is one thing, but to kill a child who cant defend himself, now that's just fucking fucked up
if u wanna kill someone, do it to someone who could fight back dammit..
fuck it...such people who prey on children deserve to be beaten up and given to the dogs to be devoured.

fuck it la..
next time, think before you talk le azhar
buto laaa...

ok, im done
god bless la eh

2009-10-11T02:19:00.000+08:00

nothing is won
when nothing is lost

lost alot of things indeed
feel so damn low, useless, frustrated, lousy...
nothing's gonna be the fucking same, that's for sure..
nothing is for certain these days..
everything seems to fuck up every time i word out my opinion..
so might as well i do everyone a favour and just shut the fuck up...
sarcasm is the key to me undermining..
once hit, im down dawggg..

im fucking done laa..
god fucking bless...

2009-10-08T18:33:00.000+08:00

there's not much difference between us
we have our wants and needs.
feelings for each other are certain.
i see us falling down the drain.
no amount of words can save us now.
the only thing standing in the way is our own pride.
swallow it
get rid of it
because that's the only thing that stands in our way
our hearts seems not to matter anymore in this war of words.
i am on the losing side.
everything have been sacrificed
only time will tell
only time will tell

~ Alexander Bonte

i sound so fucking sentimental..
its about a war actually..
but that shit suits whatever im in now..
no shit..
damn son..

ok, im done..
god bless..

2009-10-04T18:24:00.000+08:00

there's nothing more depressing and disappointing when you've realise that all that you've worked for, is all about to into the drain.
while on the way, we made our fair share of mistakes and apologise were accepted.
but were they really accepted?
if they were accepted then i guess moving pass that phase would be so much easier.
but i guess, such mistakes can be forgiven, but never forgotten.

stupid stupid stupid
i give a bad name to stupid itself.
never learn from your mistakes, do you?
smartass...
what makes you think this will be different from the last?
i guess, its the promise of a better future that you agreed to..
and now, im blabbering about how stupid i was to even agree to the deal.
i should have weighed the risk properly.
but now, i guess its too late.
too late for everything.
the chance of success is only limited to about 0.5%..
and yet, i hope things will turn for the better.
0.5%? you must be an idiot azhar..
but hey, nothing new to be an idiot..=D

a friend of mine told me once to have some ego and pride, the two things that i find not needed in anyone for any reason.
but when i believe in these two points, i realise things went astray.
for this reason, i shan't not any further heed any other advices rather than my own.
gees. im so angry to a point that i feel like crying..

maybe it's time for me to seek for divine intervention...

i welcome you to mount kinabalu.

ok, im done...

god bless...

2009-09-21T23:37:00.002+08:00

each morning waking up to the same thought..
"Wonder what she's doing today? I bet she's still in bed sleeping...haha.."
each day apart, feels awkward..
so near, yet so far...
either things are getting better, or worse..
but one thing's for sure...
nothing's the same anymore..

i miss the old days laaa...

(sings)
If you come back
In my life
I'll be there till the end of time
(Come back to me, Come back to me, Back into my life)
Oh yeah..
And I swear...
I'll keep you right
By my side...
(lyrics by Blue from the song If You Come Back)

*sniffs*

ok, im done..
god bless...

2009-09-15T01:43:00.002+08:00

things have been said
after a long struggle, finally both are wounded
for the moment, these flesh wounds are still fresh
hurts like fuck
two options;
either it gets better
or it gets infected and it will never heal

she misses her old self
and if i weren't in the picture, surely i think she would have been back to her old days.
would she?
i dont know.
its just an assumption

now, everything's from bad to worse
like a glass smashed into pieces with no way of sticking it back together
the worse part is, im the one who smash it..
when i try to clean things up, then i realise how important the glass was to me..
but, its too late now
remorse wont do me any good..

i sure hope after everything that have happened for the pass 11 months would make things better..
i really do..

but all i can do now..
is wait..

2009-09-05T02:58:00.003+08:00

have you ever felt stupid about yourself?
ever felt like turning back time and tell the person the truth?
ever hurt the person u care most with your stupid sarcasm?

well, seems like its my turn tonight to do such nonsense..
simply unforgivable..
fuck you azhar..
simply, just fuck you..

im done..
bless you fuckers..

2009-09-03T12:40:00.002+08:00

From this lost, i am to be a better man.
What does that mean?
Is it that after all this time, i havent been a good man?
True, that is.
From your route, will it be effective in tackling the problem?
I hope so. For with this road, we will come to meet with a two way cross road.
One, will lead to a better future for us.
The other, it'll separate us forever.
I abhor taking risk.
I play everything with extra caution thus why, i am not willing to take any risk.
All other possibilities seems to have fade away.
Right now, its surely a lose-lose situation.
I cant see you as the same person as how i did when we first met.
We went too far to go back to that direction again.
But if this is the only way to foster a good forthcoming, then i guess, why fucking not?
We've tried everything else and it was a disaster.
Everything to lose from this if it doesnt turn out as expected.

Oh fuck
Oh fuck
Oh fuck

We'll see.
I hope you're right.
I fucking hope you're right.

2009-09-01T00:35:00.000+08:00

for fuck, i feel such a loser..

thanks...

2009-08-01T23:26:00.003+08:00

imagine your home country is at war
imagine living every single day in danger
imagine you always have to look behind whenever you're walking alone even in daylight
imagine that you have to be aware of your surroundings 24/7
imagine a world that there's no such thing as safe
imagine a home that can be destroyed intentionally or not intentionally
imagine a place where you can die at any time

i saw an email passed on to me about a year ago
it depicts the chaos that is still going on in Palestine
it shows four pictures of a son and his mother

First picture, a mother was lying on her son's lap, with blood all over her
Second picture, the mother gently touched her son's cheek while he was in tears
Third picture, the mother seems to be fading while she was still lying in her son's lap with his hands around her
Fourth picture, the mother died. the son just sat there, and cry..

when you think about it, what can you do if you were put in his situation..
first in your mind, would sad
its human nature to be sad at first when something really bad happens
but as the minutes pass, you tend to develop a hatred towards those who are responsible for your lost.
in this case, surely, he will seek revenge for his mother's death.
would you do the same thing; to kill the person who killed you mother?
in your state of mind, revenge is the only way to compensate your lost but in actual truth, you've compensate nothing.
by taking the life of the one who killed your loved one, you'd be doing the same actions as he did
wouldn't that make you the same person as the killer?

killing a killer makes you a killer...right?
well, at first, you wouldn't look at it that way..
but rather, you'd look at it as if you have placed justice for those who were responsible for your lost..
but as time pass, you'd realise you've achieved nothing...nothing..
all you did was to kill someone else's father, mother, son or daughter...
and you would deprive them of the same love that you desire from your loved ones..
to summarize it, you'd be the same as the killer...

even after all that, if i were to be in a position where my loved one is gone, i would surely seek revenge...
but then again, who knows..
people tend to react at the spur of the moment...
hence, we will never know what we will do..

no one knows..
no one knows..

ok, im done...
god bless...

2009-07-21T17:55:00.002+08:00

have you ever felt everything wasnt going your way?
even if its such a minor thing, you'd still be angry about it?
ever feel like smashing things into pieces but when you think about it thoroughly, you cant do that because it'll affect your loved ones as well?
ever feel as if you've let someone down and when you try to make up for it, there's just no way that you could?
ever feel as if your just plainly fucked up?
ever feel as if you just wanna beat up anyone that ever comes in your way to make life miserable for you at that moment..

guess what...
im there...
its been awhile since im angsty...
but the factor that stops me from being as such is gone..
its just a fucking beat down motherfuckers...

Fuck you

With all your kind

Ignorance is bliss for all time...

I know my place in this fucking world

i don't deserve you...

For you're too classy for my type...

Rejection, plays apart in my everyday life..

Its normal for me...

and I'm used to it...

i was fucking used to it...
i guess its back to haunt me...

ok, im fucking done...
god fucking bless...

2009-07-19T17:45:00.002+08:00

the pain of being ignored is unbearable.
the pass 24 hours have been heart wrenching.
the wait is killing..

i think, after this, nothing's gonna be the same.

the end of 23/09/2008 is coming to an end..is it?

ok, im done...
god bless...

2009-07-01T23:30:00.002+08:00

some websites have suggested that MJ had converted to Islam.
others disapprove of this claim and says that such statements were rubbish.
but whatever it is, while taking the bus back home from training, i came across a few of his songs in my mp3. from then, i started to ponder.
call me slow, but almost most of his songs are related to saving the environment, about people suffering..plainly said, about humanity.
you dont find alot of such artist in any part of the world.
and then, i thought about it again.
and this time, i realised something.

well, my hypothesis is,
in Islam, if a muslim were to be challenged alot in life, he would get entry into paradise and lead an easy life after his death..that is of course he does all his duties as a muslim.
well, when you put the pieces together, IF MJ was truly a muslim, then i guess, my earlier hypothesis MIGHT be right..like i say, MIGHT BE RIGHT..
i know im not a perfect muslim, but im just saying my thoughts here..so chill..haha
i mean, look at him..
the tabloids in America accuses him of being a paedophile; sleeping with children whenever the kids went over at Neverland ( is it? haha)
but then again, i dont know.

that's one thing..
another thing would be, (again, im not saying im pious and all but still..)
in reference to Islam's warning about the end of the world, some of the signs is that there will be someone who will proclaim that he is god and he is the one everyone should follow and bla bla bla..something like that..
well, again, while i was on the bus, i was thinking..
maybe those revelations wasnt about someone proclaiming themselves as god but more to, someone proclaiming that they were doing the right thing; when in fact, what they're doing contradicts what the believe in..

ok, this is very hard to explain.

its something like, the terrorist says that they're doing good by eliminating western interest all over the world and that they believe that the westerners are the devils themselves. they'll kill and behead any westerners that they could get their hands on if their demands were not met. and from what i know from the Quran, Islam doesnt allow its followers to kill except when there's a need to. example; wars. in a war, killing another human being is inevitable.
but i guess, they misread what the holy Quran is all about..

on the other hand, the westerners who takes charge of fighting against the terrorist are also using the same tactics as what their enemies do. but for theirs, in my opinion, is more on a larger scale. we've seen reports of alot of innocent people (especially children) being killed in bombing done by these westerners. it really disturbs me when they bomb houses and shooting at innocent people without any remorse. furthermore, they would simply say to the media "oh, we've accidentally bomb someone's house by mistake...sorry.." or "the enemies were hiding in that building..." when in fact, there were kids and innocent people inside the house..

it disgust me
this would be one of the moments why i hate being a human myself.
its just disgusting what a man can do to another man..

another example would be of the hanging of Saddam Hussein..
im not sure if its the real thing, but if it was, then im deeply shocked
i watch the execution with shock..
it was shown that even when he was about to be hanged, the executioners were taunting him still..
i could hear him saying his last prayers before he was hung..
even before he died, taunting was still thrown at him..
and furthermore, i saw news of Shia's going into Masjids and killing the imams of those masjids and parading the dead body of the imams around the streets..

i wouldnt deny the fact that the sunnis did misuse their powers in one way or another when they were in power, but revenge?
i may not be pious but i know deep in my heart that the prophet Muhammad NEVER and i mean NEVER taught his ummah to do revenge killing, beheading of captured foes or even bombing buildings..

i am, deeply disappointed with this type of people who misuses religion or power for their own gains. its just disgusting to even think about it...

ergh...

ok, im done...
god bless..

2009-06-27T03:28:00.002+08:00

a beginning and an end
applies to all living things be it animals, plants, bacteria, humans...etc.
everything
but when does it end?
where does it end?
now that is the question to be answered
nobody has the answer
and if u do, do tell me because i wanna knw when's my time to go..
an uncle just passed away abt 3 weeks ago..
a friend of mine's grandfather passed away 4 days ago..

who's next?
you?
me?

i dont know...
i dont know...

ok, im done...
god bless...

2009-05-25T12:21:00.001+08:00

Kepala buto punya anak...

2009-05-12T10:03:00.002+08:00

Misunderstood.
for reasons that i dont even fucking knew.
misconstrued for something that i never have any intentions of.
liable for my actions, im sorry
liable for my words, im sorry
word be told, i never meant to hurt anyone, especially you..

ok, im done..
god fucking bless..

2009-03-31T20:20:00.002+08:00

"Live life to its fullest..."

That's what everyone says.
But how do u live such a life when you're too consumed with your everyday routine life?
That's the problem that we all face every single day.
It's so routine to the point where we've stopped thinking on how to improve our lives or even do something more meaningful in our lives.
We're all too caught up in the world of making money.
There's more in life than making money; that's for sure.

But then again, yes, money does make the world go round.
Its because when you have money, you can get whatever you desire within a split second; except for those things you want overseas...it'll take time to go through all the immigration at the airport. kwang kwang kwaaaaang..lol

In any case, life over the ages have changed dramatically.
In the 21st century, a normal life is no longer acceptable anymore.
People are so competitive in terms of how luxurious their lifestyle is as compared to others.
And hence, money does make the world go round; to them at least.
It makes the world go round so fast that we forget to stop and smell the roses.
Our daily lives always gets in the way whenever we want to do stuff like travelling, or just do nothing for a whole year...well, something like that..

For many, going about their routine life is more than enough for them throughout their lives.
For some, however, they try to dig deeper and find themselves in a world of adventure.

But its hard when you want to start doing something different.
This is because that when you start doing so, you have to cut all ties with your routine life
Such as sacrificing time with your friends or family.
Sacrifices must be made in order to achieve your goals.
Everyone knows that.
But eventhough i do not have any prove that it'll work, im sure the benefits out of the sacrifices made would be worth it.

Being able to live life without worries or responsibilities.
A life of freedom.
Who doesnt want that?

ok, im done...
god bless..

2009-03-08T04:46:00.003+08:00

seriously, no matter how sick the show is, its fucking sick and brilliant...
im refering to the movie Hannibal..
Anthony Hopkins is just awesome..
and eventhough i only watch the ending part, the movies fucking sick yet brilliant..
hahahaha!
dah mcm movie critic..lol...

its really a fucking psycho thriller..
damn sonn..lol

ok, im done..
god bless....

2009-03-05T23:27:00.002+08:00

non-stop headaches
noises in my head
abused by human's a quarter your age
nags
chores..

tired...completely exhausted..

*sings*
come fly with me, lets fly, lets fky awaaaay...

feeling feeling like that dude Michael Bubble (buble...lol)

si bei sian ahhh...

ok, im done..
god bless?

2009-02-27T21:53:00.002+08:00

i read this somewhere...
it says something like "marriage is about commitment...love is a secondary issue...you don't have to necessarily be in love with your spouse in the beginning of the relationship to make it work"...

well, it didnt really say like that but thats how i see it as it is..

i think thats very true...
it worked out for my parents...
hahaha..

but still, what do i know..im not getting married any time soon anyway...
hahahahaha...

ahwell...just thought of sharing it...

ok, im done...
god bless...

2009-02-07T13:46:00.003+08:00

im tired
its reached to the point of numbness
i feel so fucking helpless
i want to do something about it but what am i to do exactly?

i dont know..
i dont know..
i dont know..

the holiday's killing me..
every morning its so routine..
i've got nothing else to look forward to except the weekends with my buddies..
other than that, there's nothing else except the boredom of living life damn routine..

oh..
and lastly...
i know you're going through alot now..
but i hope with time, your wounds will heal..
this is the part where you fall..
and this is the part where you get back up and live on..
thats the nature of death..
you cannot let death overcome and affect the way you live..
its just nature..
this is how you become stronger

i miss you..

ok, im done..
god bless..

2009-01-23T23:32:00.000+08:00

this is the part where i say *fill in the blanks*

ok, im done...
god bless..

happy 4th month Angel...
your just awesome...

=)

ok, im done..
god bless..

2009-01-15T11:56:00.001+08:00

nice going, asshole
you ruin it now
and there's no turning back
im sorry
i didnt mean to hurt you..

2009-01-11T02:53:00.001+08:00

Wars...
the killings...
it'll never stop...
until we self destruct...
until we kill ourselves...
until we seize to exist...

and then we'd be satisfied with ourselves...

till then, it'll be too late...

ok, im done...
god bless..

2009-01-07T23:51:00.002+08:00

breathing got heavy
my heart begins to pound heavily
my brain starts thinking of brutality

i need fucking help
i do not wish to be so angry
i dont like making people worry
about me
only my knuckles it seems to understand me
without them, i dont know what i'll be
even music have lost its taste to me
the agony of skin touching the pillars of buildings with such ferocity
seems to be the answer for me
the agony just sinks in deep with the anger
it suits well with the anger
like long lost lovers, now back together to create more suffering

surprisingly, the feeling's soothes my heart
unknowingly its bad for me

no more patience
no more the good fucking guy

i just cant fucking take it anymore
i just cant
one wrong move, and i'll explode..
thats why i know i need help
but to think about it, what the fuck can they do?
what?
what?
what?

talking is such a waste of time...
it doesnt really works for me...
not anymore..
faith, has lost its touch with me..
my prayers to be patient has lost its meaning to me...

i just hope my prayers are fucking answered..
i do not wish to feel so fucking angry
i just hope my friends would understand me better...
i do not wish to trouble them with myself
i just hope it wont appear infront of my family
i do not wish for them to be the victim of my anger..
i just hope Angel's alright...
call it paranoid, call it suspicious, i just cant help to think about her safety 24/7...

all the laughters; gone
all the jokes; almost gone
all the smiling faces; 0.01%

what the fuck is wrong with me?
what the fuck is wrong with you, azhar?

2009-01-04T12:00:00.002+08:00

life
its beginning to take its toll
the boredom of life
i do not see the point of doing anything else
reached to the point where, "okay, now what?"

what am i suppose to do now?

mundane, anger and frustration is what i know these days..

fuck
fuck
fuck

what to do now?
what?

2009-01-04T00:40:00.002+08:00

"like a droplet of water falling into a calm sea..
that droplet could create a mini size wave, affecting the calmness of the sea.."

which means, one person's doing could change the outcome of an event...

ok, im done..
god bless

2009-01-03T01:16:00.002+08:00

its just so frustrating
for years, i've followed by the rules
for years, i believed that that is the right thing to do
for years, i've been patient with everyone
everyone whoever teased me, made fun of me, instruct me against my will; everyone...
just fucking everyone..
there's always a limit to everyone's level of tolerance..
well, i guess, tonight, it just hit my maximum..
this would be the second time i feel so fucking pissed within 2 months...
damn, now thats a fucking record

i bet you readers have either no idea what im talking about or just cant be fucking bothered..
well, honestly, i dont care..
this is a fucking blog where you could speak out your ideas, your feelings...
well, here i am..doing just fucking that...

its just one of those days where you just feel pissed 24/7

fuck fuck fuck

im fucking turning 21 this year and still im being treated like a 12 year old..
fucking hell...
im turning legal for god's sake..
ergh

for once, why cant i be like any other adolescent who just do whatever he/she wants..
for once, i question my principles; my priorities..
for once, i just feel like punching non-stop
for once, i just feel like shutting myself up

putting that aside, there's another thing that im just pissed about..
i've been teased since i was a kid
primary school, secondary school, ITE..
even now, and some, even by my own friends..
well, i realise that sometimes, its just a joke to them..
and im fine with it..
but at times, i just feel inferior to them..
with them laughing at me sure reminds me of how pathetic i am..

i feel useless..
i feel weak..
i feel like a coward..
i feel demoralised from it..

furthermore, im not good at quarrelling with words..
and hence, i just shut the fuck up whenever someone either jokingly critisize me or just gave a passing comment about me..
at times, yes, i just see it as a passing remark..
but over time, it adds on..

aku tahu la aku bodoh..
but no need to call me that right?
i know im stupid..
i know i screwed up my olevel's..
but u do not need to remind me of how stupid i am, can?

thank you

thats fucking all..
im just tired with the way everyone's treating me..

fuck
fuck
fuck

ok, im done..
god bless...

fuck you

2008-12-21T04:18:00.008+08:00

Time pass very fast

next thing you know, your facing death

as time pass, you get older and i bet by then, you would have gone through alot of shits

so, again, here's my equation to that;

Age = Experience = Wisedom = Giving out MOSTLY good advice...

well, it really depends on how the person sees things in life for this equation to fit anyone who would wish to use it in order to decide if its true or not..

the reason is because of the different ways people think.

all of us a brought up with different values that our parents have instilled in us since young

and for those who dont have any parents or guardian to look up, they tend to have a different set of values that is instilled in them. They decide what is right and wrong..

this is due to the fact that they grow up in a totally different environment from those who are more fortunate...

ANW, i have a confession...

and whatever im gonna say, i hope i didnt offend anyone...if i did, im VERY sorry...

i just need to let it out...

ok;

whenever i see people taking those slimming pills and starving themselves in order to be thin, i just feel like telling them off...

furthermore, you're destroying you own body la by using those pills and starving yourself...

TSK

in life, there is no such thing as "an easy way out" for any problems...

perseverance is the key to success..

you have to persevere through those problems..

overcome it..

if you can't do it alone, then ask for assisstance...

conquer it, or it'll conquer you...

back to the topic, the only way to really get rid of those fats is exercise and watch your diet..

im not refering to a strict diet regime that you have to maintain for the rest of your fucking life..

No...all you need to do is watch what you eat and eat healthily and exercise..

its that simple!

my god..it just pisses me off to see someone eating so much but at the end of the day, take slimming pills in order to lose weight..

fucking contradicting..

and furthermore, i hate it when they keep complaining on how "fat" they are and they'll just keep whining and whining about but do nothing about it...

fucking hell...

if you think you're fat, then go exercise and shut the fuck up laaah..

bodoh sak..

ergh...

ok, that's that..

now, just some pix that were took from the Ipoh show..

its a fucking waste that Rasul and Jasman couldnt make it for the show la..

and what a waste that no one that we knew were able to take our set....

But nonetheless, we had fun..

and also, thanks to Khalid from Ragdoll Epilogue and Fatwan from November 19 for being our sessionist...

and also, thanks to Faris of Ragdoll Epilogue and Aziq of November 19 for coming down to support us there in Ipoh..

one HELL of a trip..

fucking fun..serious..

Upon reaching Ipoh, Aidil got a freak attack and transform into the "apek with beer belly"
before the show...must eat first....
Picture with Hereafter and people from Ipoh

Picture with Hereafter and people from Ipoh Part 2

Simple: Fuck you

(told you so...)

Again, Ipoh show was fucking fun...

ok, im done...

god bless...

2008-12-20T11:42:00.003+08:00

from this moment on..
i just realise
how cn i be so fucking blind?

i've been a failure..
i have failed everyone..
i cant be what i want to be for her and them..
i cant be what she/they want from me

fucking failure...
understand me?
i cant get anything right..

being a failure since young have taught me not to be too sure about anything
and i do mean anything

i have failed my parents in terms of education and character
i have failed the young ones at home to be a proper role model for them
i have failed my brother in terms of being there for him
i have failed my friends in terms of not being there for them at times
i have failed even her at times when im not the guy who she wants me to be..

fucking hell

i've always been calm about things..
and i think its time to fucking blow up, dont u think?

"enough is enough azhar...stop being paranoid..."

"but i cant...i just want to be the best to the ones i love...by being paranoid, i'd try my best to be what they want of me...understand??"

"but how can u be the best for them when your always being so negative about things?"

"fucking hell...by being a pessimist, you tend to be more cautious about you every step, no?"

"okay fine..thats fucking true...haiyaaa...chill ah bodohhhh..."

"ok lorrrr..."

ok, im done..
god bless...

2008-12-19T23:24:00.000+08:00

one word...

fuck

ok, im done..
god bless...

2008-12-05T23:20:00.002+08:00

Embrace The World Detached

a phrase that i was only able to see from one point of view
but upon further explaination
there were more than one way of looking at it
its not about world-ly things that you could get attached to in this world
in fact, i was taught that this phrase has a deeper meaning than that
you shouldnt take the meaning of the phrase so literally
if you did, then you failed to see what its all about
it goes even deeper

its all about the acceptance of a world in which the social norm would not say yes to
a world in which the wrongs of a social norm is right to the social outcast
those outcasts are humans who sees life in another prospective
people who see things differently from the rest of the world
people who dare to challenge the social norm because they dont feel that the social norm of the society that they live in is right for them
these people are different from us
these people are different from me

i then realise that in this world, if we were to be talking about society
there's two sides;
the main social norm, which everyone agrees on what is normal and what is not..
the other are the so called social "outcast" that the main social norm has disregard their existence as they dont see this "outcast" as normal as human being

to think about it, they're just different from us; different from you and me..
if you think about it, its kind of a challenge for them to actually live their lives..
with the never ending gossips and name calling..
emotionally, i think they're strong
with even stronger character than anyone of us could have ever imagined
they dare to be different and even live their lives differently from the social norm
and that, i think must be a very hard challenge for them. but nonetheless, they survive...

both the societies are similar..both societies are human beings
the difference is just that what we see as wrong to everyone, might be right to them..

ahwell

she needs to teach me more about life..
she has more experience about life than i could ever imagine
i only have the theories
she provides me with experience and examples from what she experience in the past..

she might be 18, but she sure is more matured than i'll ever be..
p.s. Evening of 4th december was the bestest evening i have ever had in my entire life
thank you for everything; including the cake...

najihah

=)

ok, im done..
god bless..

2008-11-27T00:07:00.002+08:00

if fate and destiny were human
i'd whack them up till they're bruised and beaten..
then, i'll break their jaws and make them scream like little pussies..
when they struggle up to their feet, i'll kick em down and trample him like how Tito Ortiz does it in UFC and then i'll elbow the hell out of their faces like how Randy Couture does it..

everything i work for..
i have passion for..
is all going against me..
i guess family is the only thing that i have left to be passionate and give all my love for..

but wait...

i cant just give up now, can i?
i've been through all the tough times and it'll be fucking ashame to give up now..
yes..
i wont give up...
NEVER BACK DOWN (feeling feeling like a fighter laaaah...hahahahaha)

for the mean time, azhar's gonna be patient..
azhar will not blow up..
azhar will be a strong boy boy..
azhar will go through this..
azhar's a patient boy boy..
ok, good boy..

ok, im done..
god fucking bless...

2008-11-22T13:14:00.002+08:00

yesterday's gig was awesome

November 19, Shadows of Miasma, Ragdoll Epilouge..
all of em were awesome..
like rasul said, "the new wave of deathcore"
hahaha

been so long since i went to any shows and that show was very refreshing to me..
seems that i have lost my touch with the "wild side" whenever im at gigs..
must be the age lah..
the older u get, the more u lose your touch..
hahaha

well, ERIS has a show on the 29th of november in KL
would be going there on the 28th evening, i think..
looking forward to that show..
been so long since we had any shows..
lets rock the fucking stage bitches!
hahahaha

aaahhhh..
anyway, been so long since i went to the gym..
hor hor..
lazy bum sak..i need to work out!
gym! gym! gym!
pump! pump! pump!

ok, im done..
god bless...

2008-11-20T21:12:00.002+08:00

"you have to be strong..."
thats what i've been told

the pass couple of months have been awesome
but not without its ups and downs
its been proven that when you put in so much faith in science, it might just go against you
go against your favour
and when it does, what could you do?
what can i do?

nothing

just wait and wait and see the outcome
the wait is too much to bare
but still, i have to be strong
i will be her pillar of strength

"nothing matters to me anymore.."

it breaks my heart to hear you say that.

to hear it coming from you; it just makes me weak and defenceless

but nonetheless, i have recovered from that blow and now, im next to you..

you taught me how to love again
you even shower me with it, pampered me like no one else could
im a lucky bastard
at times, i think i dont deserve you
but at the same time, thankful that i have you

hell, its been years since i felt this way
thus, my love for you knows no boundaries
thats for certain

i wont give up
i wont give up
i wont give up

i have never been this optimistic for someone in my entire life
for once, i see the positive side of things, even if it seems useless to do so
but nonetheless, i will stay by her side..

your struggle is our struggle, love
this would not end with our defeat
eventhough the fights in the ring between you and your opponent
i would stay loyal to your corner and cheer you on till fate rings the bell
the outcome from this fight is really up to you..

fight on..
fight on..
fight on..

there's no one else that can safe you now, but yourself
to keep on living; an inspiration for you to fight on..
you have to win this fight; for yourself, for your family, for us..

how i pray each night that i can be by your side
kissing under the moonlight
travelling around the world
stay over at Las Vegas
trekking in the mountains of Switzerland
dinner in Paris..
i pray for all this to happen when the time comes for us to be together..

but for now, its your time to fight
fight on my love, even if the odds are against you
keep fighting on
beat the crap out of your opponent
survive this, and you can survive anything

stay strong
fight on..

haizzz...
i really hope my prayers would be answered..

ok, im done..
god bless..

2008-10-15T10:13:00.007+08:00

Dilemma

situation with unsatisfactory choices: a situation in which somebody must choose one of two or more unsatisfactory alternatives

thats what she's in now..
i feel so fucking pissed off...
we just met.. and this happens..
you just got back on track with your life.. and this happens..
but nonetheless, pakchips is not gonna give up..
i aint giving up on u even if it goes bad..
fuck..

the bad girls are still alive and kicking; creating more trouble for themselves..
good girls gets punished for no apparent reasons..
ccb..

again, im not pissed at u hun..
so dont worry..

this is by far the most straight forward post that i have posted so far..
because this time, i cant figure out any hypothesis or any fucks like that..
she's in pain..
im in a fucked up state..
i cant think straight no more..

i always believe in self discipline; if u want it, go get it kind of theory..
but in this case, i want it to work, but the situation doesnt allow me to..
how i wish i could take a sneak peak into the future so that i would at least now how to deal with the current situaition..
because now, i feel so fucking useless..
i dont want you to feel guilty hun..
like i say, im just fucking pissed off about what's going on..
thats all..

fuck it
fuck it
fuck it
fuck it

I wanna make you smile

Whenever you're sad

Carry you around

When your PEROT is bad

All I wanna do is

Grow old with you.

I'll get you medicine

When your tummy aches

Build you a fire

When the furnace breaks

It could be so nice

Growing old with you.

I'll miss you

I'll kiss you

Give you my coat when you are cold

Need you

Feed you

Even let you hold the remote control

Let me do the dishes

In our kitchen sink

Put you to bed

When you've had too much to drink

I could be the man who

Grows old with you

I wanna grow old with you

that's officially our song..

even though i hate to make promises..

i'll make an exception for this one..

i do not know what's install for the future..

but i know this..

i've made up my mind..

whatever the outcome..

i'd still be by you..

thats a promise..

fuck

ok, im done..

god bless..

2008-10-13T01:09:00.003+08:00

one hella of a night

first, lost one side of my chapal..
i was pissed cuz i couldnt figure out why the hell would anyone steal only one side of a pair of chapal or shoes?!
wtf!!!
ah well..

second, being interrogated..
it was my first time..
i was so excited!
even before the questions were shot at me, i was already gathering my answers and waiting to just say it out once the question was asked...

but on a serious note...
that interrogation session made me realise something...
yes, her intentions were to protect her sister from any bad company
i understand
i mean hey, i got my hippo kid bro and a younger sis as well...
i'd do anything to protect them too..
but before u can protect them, you need to know what kind of threats that they would have to face..get what i mean?

u need to knw ur enemy first, before u cud come up with a plan to destroy your enemy...correct?

rather than tt, u also need to know who's ur ally...
in a war, a country cant be ignorant enough to think that they're strong enough to face an enemy more than one nation...

well, that concept could be applied in this case...
she's being too overprotective...
to the point where she's actually striking fear into her sister's heart..
(P.S.some might know what im talking abt so, if u do, just shut up)

as i was leaving, i looked at her..
she didnt say anything but i could see it in her face; her eyes..
that she was a troubled young lady..
with the lost of a loved one, a broken heart could never be mended..
"time heals all wounds"
but does tt apply to this scenario?
only God knows..

its a shame really..

but my main point would be..
people who comes out from such griefs tend to be stronger than before...
both physically and mentally...
but the time for them to be as such would take a long time..
only patience could really tell..

one more point to add would be..
do not only think of protecting the person herself...
of what she might do and also of what she might become...
but you should also protect the relationship that you have with her..
without having a close relationship, then why the hell are you protecting her in the first place?

i could sense that she's not treating her as a sister...
but more to someone that she would protect at all cost..
and in this case, the relationship between them..

a price to pay for protections...

dayyymnnn...tireeeeedd...

ok, im done..
god bless...

2008-10-10T14:09:00.004+08:00

seems weird to me..
but i think i just came up with a hypothesis on why there's always conflict in this world
in total, there's about 6 billion people on this planet, and the population is growing..
at the same time, the world's resources is depleting, fast..
there's even a myth that i heard about a few months back..
it goes something like within 50 - 70 years, the world's oil would be depleted..
now that explains why the oil prices around the world has gone up..
which leads to the wars being waged in iraq and some other arabic nations..
everyone knows that the arabic lands are rich with oil..
and with this, which ever countries controls that resource, indirectly controls the world..
i do not wish to make any accusations here...
but that just make alot of sense to me..

oil = important human resource
decrease in supply of oil = increase in prices
increase in prices = country which owns the oil being rich

thats how i see it..
i dont know about you
but it makes alot of sense to me

back to the topic..
it seems to also make sense to me that with conflicts, lives would be lost...
ok, how do i explain this..
erm..
let me try this...

increase in human population = increase in demand for resources

correct?

but now, the picture is that the world resources is decreasing rapidly..

with that,

decrease in human population = decrease in demand for resources

correct?

with that,

conflicts/wars = human lives lost in the thousands = decrease in human population = decrease in demand for resources...

even natural disasters plays a part in decreasing the human population..
example, the tsunami that hit in dec 2006, i think..
thousands of human lives were lost..
its basically about balancing the need of human resources and also the resources that is already available on our old mother earth..
she's getting older and weaker..

"Every creation carries with it its own seed of destruction.."

earth will eventually "die" as well..
but no one knows when..

i think that there is some "force" in the world thats responsible for balancing the equation..
by balancing it, there wont be too many people on earth and hence the resources that is left on earth would be able to meet up with the demand of humans...

make sense?
ergh..
it seems hard for me to put it in words now..
i hope you'd be able to understand my hypothesis..

this is the problem when you think too much.
fucker.

ok, im done...
god bless...

2008-10-09T10:00:00.002+08:00

these past few months
i have been bombarded with temptations
one after another
at times, my desires got the best of me
if not for discipline
i would have long gone astray
but these past few months
this discipline that i have is running an all time low
reasons for such occurances
i do not know
but what i do know is
i need to find something/someone that could make me believe in myself again
be more decisive
be more discipline
i always believe that with self discipline
you can achieve anything
and i do mean anything
its just up to the individual to either have the discipline to achieve it or not

but whatever it is
i need to be inspired again
the emotions that's in me
its really disturbing
and i really need to get rid of it; fast..

i do not wish anything stupid to happen to me or anyone around me just because i failed to control myself

why-oh-why are these temptations so strong?
i feel so weak
but all i can say is that im holding onto the ropes
hanging with only whatever strength that is left in me to avoid such "wrong actions"

god dammit!
i just need a tag team partner in crime to overcome the obstacle that i am facing right now

ok, im done..
god bless...

2008-09-19T22:26:00.004+08:00

Kindness

once, a friend asked me about on how we could show other people kindness
i stopped and think real hard
its a simple task to be done by any human beings to one another
the simplest form of showing your counterparts compassion and humanity
yet, its been neglected by us

a simple task
yet neglected
what a shame
we call ourselves the superior being in this world but yet we cant even show a simple gesture of humanity towards one another
yes, i do not deny that there are such humanity being shown in this world
but, only one out of a million human beings shows such compassion to those who needs them the most.
so my question is, what happen to the other nine hundred and ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety nine?
i wouldnt be surprise if a third of them have commited acts that contradicts kindness
i've seen enough on tv itself
on how humans can hate and do things that i could only possibly imagine
its horrible...

so much for the superiority on our part
in fact, i think we're acting like barbarians..
we make barbarians look more civilised dammit!

bottom line is...
there's too much hate in this world
gestures such as kindness, humanity and compassion are myth these days
virtually on the verge of extinction
we must make a difference
bring back the ideals of a perfect utopia back
where terror and hatred doesnt exist

but to think about it, without those negativity, we wont be able to learn from it
in fact, i think we need those negativity in order to improve as a human civilisation
irony, isnt it?

Utopia
a perfect world
only a dream?
maybe...

ok, im done...
god bless...

2008-09-18T22:58:00.001+08:00

i feel so fucking pissed...
i dont even know why....
the feeling of telling people to just fuck off and leave me alone...
but then again, i dont wanna be alone..
how?

ok, im done..
god bless..

2008-09-17T23:27:00.001+08:00

the most enjoyable evening i've ever had with someone i care after such a long time...
(17/9/2008)

thank you

ok, im done...
god bless..

2008-09-15T10:57:00.002+08:00

i cant take it anymore
the school sucks like fuck
i dread going to school everyday
never felt as such before
even the food, the most important part of school sucks like fuck
i could buy better food at the hawker centre; cheaper and more delicious
the systems screwed up
getting to know new people every 16 weeks is not my forte; its not fun
the fucker who came up with this system should die a horrible death; example, hit by a fucking truck full of either shit or fucking pigs
i abhor the system
screw the system
the only reason im here is because this is the only school that fucking offers what i want; sports
should have taken private instead
shorter period of time, even though it cost the same as 3 yrs course in a poly
but heck
at least i'd be able to do well in it
screw it

im seriously thinking of dropping out
or should i fucking waste another semester just to see how it goes in 2nd year?
now thats a thought i should seriously consider before making any harsh decisions.

ok, im done..
god fucking bless...

2008-08-27T02:12:00.002+08:00

i am drained...
tiring indeed...
i need help to get over this...
been 3 years ever since its started...
and i thought it was done and over with..
but it came back...
with a vengeance...
and its killing me alive...

binget ahhh..
pissed ahhh...

ok, im done...
god bless...

2008-08-21T21:50:00.002+08:00

Friends..

what are they?

they are the ones that you with to hang out with (besides your family)
they are the ones who you do things that you dont do with your family
they are the ones who you'd go to if things go wrong
they are the ones who you'd seek comfort with when family members are "out of reach"

but my question is;
are friends forever?
is there such a thing as "best friends forever"?
as time pass, we keep on meeting new people and alternatively, we label them as our "friends".
anyone could be your friend.
one day, a passer by walks up to you and say, "hi...my names (fill in the blank). I've seen you before at (fill in the place)..that was you, right?" and if it was you, then the stranger will then introduce himself to you, or vice versa.

its as simple as ABC to make friends...
but do they last forever?

then humans came up with a new term called, "true friends"
this group of people are known to stay by you through thick and thin..
they'd also be there for you no matter what...
and thus, through that commitment, both parties would then have a sense of a tight kinship that would be hard to break

its frustrating when at times, your friends make use of you to their advantage...
even sad is that some of those being manipulated couldn't protect themselves from such actions...

i admit, i have commited such a crime...
and such a crime was commited onto me as well...
i'd like to apologise to my friends who i've make used of, manipulated with or without knowing it..

My sincere apologies.

A true friend thy not
for thou deserve better

ok, im done...
god bless...

2008-08-20T03:30:00.002+08:00

i just came up with this theory

reasons for people to get into a relationship is because they feel emotionally alone..
yes, you got your buddies to be with, but until when could they be with you?
yes, you have ur family members who'd be there for u till the end of time...

but the only difference tt i notice is tt, when ur in a relationship for a certain period of time, couples would tend to exchange the words of "i love u" frequently...
this might not mean much to those who cant be bothered with this topic, but to those who feels emotionally lonely, they'd understand (i think)
when ur with ur family, in asian context, you dont hear your family members saying "i love u" that often, or for none, even never.

but to hear ur bf/gf saying it and looking deep in ur eyes, now tts another thing
hearing the words "i love you" makes u feel that you're being loved; something that reassures you tt ur being loved by someone, and that ur impt to them..

thats what i think for the reasons why some people wants to be in a relationship...

ok im done...
god bless...

2008-08-20T01:08:00.002+08:00

it seems to me that even matreps (malay versions of ah bengs) are starting to wear band tee shirts..
damn funny siaaaal...
there was once this incident where i walked passed this kurus kering nk mampos matrep wearing Rancid....
cool keper...
hahahahahhha!
i just cant help myself but to put it here...
it was so hilarious, tt i just smiled while he was walking pass me..
kekek nk mampos..
&&& the gf was wearing make up so thick, that i think its more than enuf to bake a cake out of the tepong she was wearing on her face!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

sorry...i just cant help it..

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

ok, im done..
god bless..

2008-08-10T19:21:00.002+08:00

to my own call someone
her need i really
love ? her i
far she's away bad too
can do ? i what
now for , nothing wait but to is
miss i will her hell like

anyone could help me decipher this?

ok, im done..
god bless...

2008-08-05T10:43:00.001+08:00

bla bla bla
people talk
people don't act
what's new?

im bored of this...

squuuuueeeel squeeeeeeeeel oink oink

ok, im done...
god bless..

2008-07-24T10:28:00.001+08:00

religion before family
family before friends
friends before relationship

one of the main principle that all could abide to

ok, im done...
god bless...

2008-07-16T10:27:00.002+08:00

fuck you
fuck off
im pissed
motherfucker

i'll whack you up like a dog
i'll jab and cross punch your fucking face
i'll give you a hook and an upper cut to your jaw
i'll kick you like a bitch
i'll choke you till you cry and pass out
i'll stomp onto you like doing some hxc dance movement
i'll elbow your jaw till it bleeds

im not refering to anyone specific
im just pissed and feel like whacking people.

thank you

ok, im done..
god bless..

2008-07-14T23:35:00.003+08:00

i kept on wondering wouldnt it be nice if every rich people were nice..
not being arrogant, helping the poor and always stop to smell the air rather than be stuck in the office and make money, money, money and more money..
when they already have money, they wanna make more money with that money..
what the hell..
it'll be awesome if they're nice to the average people like us..

i admit, there are rich people who are nice and helpful..
but they're not being recognised for their efforts..
but thats the way it is..
being humble about it is something that is hard to do, but if known, the amount of respect that people have on you will be invaluable..
no amount of money could buy you that kind of respect..

between money and having character...
which one will you choose?

money, you can get it from anywhere..
and be gone within a day
but character, its something that you have; that you cultivate since young with good cultural backgrounds and having the sense of respect from others..
people dont see someone for their money (unless they're those money faced fuckers)
people look for something more that makes you stands out from the rest, which is character..
with money, you could lose it in a day..
with character, the only day you'll lose it is when u enter the grave..
even that doesnt stop people from respecting you for who you are

so i ask you again,
character? or money?
which one will you choose...

ok, im done..
god bless..

2008-07-06T04:41:00.002+08:00

im so pissed because people just dont seem to respect us...
if they do, they have an odd way of showing it...

ok, im done...
god bless...

2008-06-29T00:15:00.001+08:00

am i that worthless?
(maybe i am)
am i that invisible?
(for sure i am)

tgh feeling mcm sial.
sorry

ok, im done..
god bless...

2008-06-23T23:31:00.002+08:00

OKAY
this post is solely dedicated for my 2nd june outcry of girls coming to guys whenever they have problems and bla bla bla..

WELL..
why get so angry abt it?
i mean, its my view, not urs?
so cheer up, kay?
i mean, i did mention the term GIRLS but i didnt mention any names..
so yeah..
dont feeling feeling laaa..
lets all try to have an open mind here..
thank you

ON THE OTHER HAND
i THOUGHT everthing's settled and we wont face anymore problems..
i am SO wrong..
i think i misjudged the situation..
and YOU
cn u NOT be fickleminded?
thank you..

BESIDES THAT...

im bored
im bored
im bored
im bored
im bored

ok, im done..
god bless..

2008-06-22T15:58:00.003+08:00

its amazing on how people and music lovers support overseas bands and not their own local music scenes...
the main reasons for the overseas bands to be THAT good is because they receive overwhelming support from their own local scene...
after getting the support from their local scene, thats when you could get support from everywhere else...

some of the reasons that i heard from people who does not support the local scene is that our own local bands are boring and not good and all...
and they further elaborate that our local scene sucks...

how the hell are we to progress when local bands do not get support by their own local music lovers?
how do u intend on making our music scene progress?

to think about it, its almost the same as you putting your friends first in your priority list;
when your 1st priority is to your family..
does that make sense to you?
i dont know
it doesnt matter
but it sure hell make alot of sense to me

ok, im done
god bless..

2008-06-06T23:24:00.001+08:00

im thinking too much abt this.
im over-reacting.

pfft..

stress aku di buat nye.

2008-06-05T00:14:00.002+08:00

animal control men?
men control animal?
animal = men?

Reasons for men controlling animals is that animals are stronger than men, naturally.
weapons are used by men as a cowardly way to defend themselves againts the animals.
if only animals were given brains to think; men would be their slaves, men would be controlled by the animals
On the other hand, men are as savage as animals.
killing their own kin for their personal reasons.
same as animals which eats their own in order for them to survive...and surviving in their nature is a need; an instinct you might call it..
men however, kills their own kin for personal gain, mainly fortune, jealousy, etc.

what a shame...

ok, im done..
god bless...

2008-06-02T14:07:00.002+08:00

i notice that people always judge someone out of his appearence than his character.
they could fall in love with someone who's a stylo-milo kinda guy even if he's a drug dealer.
i wonder how they could live such a life with such a person
this does not necessarily apply for drug dealers but rather, to bad people as well.
they really bring out the term "love is blind" concept
which, in fact, i find rather bullshit. but then again, what do i know?
what i am trying to say is that bad people tend to be able to get away with alot of things and yet be loved by their partner or spouse.
being there for your partner/spouse when in times of need is one thing, but helping them do bad things, thats another.
this is what i categorise as "blind love"
you love the person without really knowing who he is
you love the person for his maybe; wealth? looks? status?
god knows.

i kept hearing girls complaining about how guys can be very choosy when it comes to picking a girlfriend or wife.
as a guy, i gotta protect my gender
girls are also the same, but at times, more cunning than men
from experience, girls only "come to guys" when they're in need of entertainment or because they have problems with their family/bf/friends etc.
seriously, we aint social service
i mean, if we were to be sincere friends, then sure, do come to us if you need help
but to call us when you need help, thats pathetic.

the moral of the story is, there is none
hahahaha!
basically, girls are blind.
they wanna be with the "bad boys"who manipulate them, who molested them, who abuse them and never respected them.

rather than guys who respect them for who they are and would never misuse or mistreat them.
how upside down can this world be...

okay, enough of that
sundown marathon was hell...
finished within 7hrs 01min..
seriously...it was HELL...

ok, im done...
god bless...

2008-05-22T00:47:00.001+08:00

im so tired
tired as fuck
i need a break
a fucking long break

ok, im done..
god bless..

2008-05-19T19:27:00.002+08:00

i hate rich people
i despise their greed
they make more fortune and forget abt the less fortunate
sure, not all of them are the same; sure some of them do help the needy
and bless them for doing such deeds
but curse those who dont
they're rich, yes..
but teach their young nonsense...
they spoil thier young..
make them think they're being wankers in the community
look down on those who are helpless..
motherfuckers..

now why would i respect such people who do nothing but ridicule others...
its never abt compassion these days..
but rather about discrimination against those who are less fortunate..

be rich with character
and you'll be rich even if you're poor
but never be rich with fortune
it'll corrupt you to the very end of your life..
now thats a promise i made to you...

ok, im done..
god bless..

2008-05-13T22:50:00.002+08:00

somethings wrong
i feel insecurity all around me
i feel as if its going to end soon
oh god
i hope not..
thats the only thing that separate me from the rest..
pls dont say its time for me to move on..
i dont want to
this is my way of life..
i dont want it to end..

pls god
pls god
pls god

i dont want this amazing gift to go to waste

pls god
dont take it away

ok, im done
god bless..

2008-05-03T03:09:00.002+08:00

its saturday morning
and im grouchy and pissed
i was just abt to concentrate and lead a life without any girls, one came along and sat on my mind
well, technically, its not her fault
but her charming ways and maybe a lil bit of her bimbotic side attracted my attention

fuck laaaa
i thought i was over and done with this kinda thing
but now, a chance has opened up for me..
there's a slight chance tt i will win her heart..
but the odds of tt happening is a million to one

we need two hands to clap..
salah2, aku sorg perasaan jubo
kwang3
buang steam jek..

but for now, as i ponder on this issue, i shall keep myself busy during the weekdays with trainings after training to further improve my knowledge on different ways on staying fit and standing up for yourself.

i want to gain confidence from it
i want to gain something that will make me a better person
i want to stand up for myself
no more of getting shits from other people
now its my turn to make my stand

as i close my eyes to fall asleep
i ponder why im build like this
is it a curse?
or a gift; to help others that are in greater depression than me?

whatever it is, over time, i hope to see a new me by the end of the year..
insyallah, with the help of God if He allows me to be such a person tt is..

ok, im done..
god bless..

2008-04-20T00:44:00.002+08:00

im bored
im fucking bored
there seem to be very little things to do these days

im mad
im stressed out
i feel like just dying out

so much angst i have
so little time to desire what i want
there's nothing more than than i want rather than a peace of mind

i want peace

leave me be

thank you

ok, im done..
god bless..

2008-04-14T00:08:00.002+08:00

no more
no more
no more
screw it
screw it
screw it
fuck off
fuck off
fuck off

shit happens to those who are honest
trust me..

but then again, what kinda world are we leaving in?
a dumped that's waiting to be obliterated by Him any time soon...
nothing's done out of righteousness or charity
everything is done with a profit
dirty money is the way to survive these days

nothing is pure
no one's pure
im not pure
you're not pure
all of us are not pure
we're doom to the very pits of fire

ok, im done...
god bless...

2008-04-02T01:01:00.002+08:00

im sick and tired of all this corrupted views of different beliefs
its a cliche that one side trying to accuse the other of wrong doings
in actual fact, both sides are the wrong doers

i dont think any religion preach their followers to do killings on behalf of their religion
the war of ideals usually ends up with the innocent being the victims
while the perpetrator parade around in their foolish ways calling on all those who believe to join in their stupid cause...
what cause?
to kill more people..
3 words...
what the fuck?

furthermore, they're aiming at children, old people and women...
aiming at the weak makes them strong?
or is it cowardice; a way of saying that they're just plain dumb?

dont get me wrong
im not siding any sides in this issue
and i think those who have brains would know what im talking about
i BELIEVE both sides are the cause for any human loss
i BELIEVE negotiations are way better than goin at each other throat

the world is going crazy
massacres and genocide flourish in at least an area of the world
what are we doing to ourselves?
if we were to ever go back to our roots, we belong to the same family of Adam and Eve
wouldnt that mean you're killing your own sister/brother/uncle/grandparents?

YOU are killing YOUR own flesh and blood
YOU would be responsible for their deaths
YOU think this is honourable?
do YOU think god will be pleased with your "sacrifices"?
i doubt so...
rather than getting the blessings from God, He'll send you down to the very pits of hell to join others like hitler and osama...
i bet they'll be best of friends with the setan himself
-_-"
damn fuckers

enough slaughtering over the name of god

bloodshed is renounced in every acceptance

so why the fuck are we dying from your greed

you fucking shit motherfucker

stay away

we dont need you

and we shall refrain

ourselves from complete anarchy

*Depicted from the lyrics of Iconoclast

ok, im done...

god bless...

2008-03-23T18:58:00.002+08:00

love is something that i've been searching high and low for for the past 2 years
ppl might say im choosy
ppl might say im picky
but is it wrong for me to choose?
i mean, in the end, its my choice..
thats where i go wrong maybe?
maybe being choosy is my downfall?
well, whatever it is...
for now, i cant be bothered...

i choose to love my music now more than ever
with the increasing trends, there's a need to stay true to our own roots
im making my stand here
but take note, there's nothing wrong with checking out different types of music
i mean, hey, by the end of the day, its still music
genre is just a term used to differentiate the different taste of music for different ppl..

i've seen ppl changing their style of life following the trends..
no offence readers, but this is what i think
few years back, kids were into metalcore
then to deathcore..
and now, hardcore..
im not trying to say bad abt any of the genres
i mean, i respect em all

I BELIEVE that listeners should stay true..
i THINK that some kids are just following the trends due to its popularity
to those kids, fuck you
we're in for the music and not for fame, but for passion

ah well
thats my thought anw
other ppl might view the situation differently
but fuck it
thats how things are anw

ok, im done...
god bless...

2008-03-13T02:51:00.004+08:00

ok hello morons

yes, im still alive unfortunately

anw, Bleeding Through's gig in KL on last sunday was awesome mcm gilerrr...

met the Ajis, Saad, Bob from Regime based in KL and made some new friends from a recording label like karen and some new ppl from KL itself.

we manage to find a hotel next to Ruums Club where BT were scheduled to play..

nasib gile...but at nite, its Bapok infested region

LOL

1st day, jalan2 with ppl from Regime

2nd day, gig la sial!

and Martha's fucking hot dammit

ergh!

and all of us(fajar, azri distorted, rasul and shaz) agreed tt martha's fucking sexy when she plays the keyboard...

HAHAHA

cool gile la sial

but the journey back and forth was hell though..

ahwell..

an experience that i'll never forget

OH OH!

Restraint was awesome as well...

woohoo!

CLENCH FIST! SING ALONG! POINTING FINGERS!

hahaha..

ok, i shut up

so ANYWAY

im done with ITE life..

some how, im gonna miss those fuckers from my class...

the everyday life of ITE in 03-31 business block..

along with their annoyingness, stupidity, lame-ness, kecoh-ness and whatever that they have..

ppl like adam, both aisyah's, iza, vivien, wany, marko, naz, shaz, ivan, wang jie, jh, kevin...ALL LA..SEMUA LA...

perangai semua mcm buto..all of their attitude's like fuckers..

tts why im gonna miss u fags..LOL

well, too bad its gotta end..

and a new life shall begin

for me, the next step is either NS or poly

thats the part that im scared of..

darn it..

ergh..pukiwak btol..

but nevermind..

we all gotta face through it

i gotta be brave and thick skin than ever before to scrap thru this shit dammit!

woohoo!

like real..

whatever..we'll see what's there installed for me dawggg....

woohoo!

buto laaaa..

aku stress cb..

ergh

hahaha

SO ANW

she's been making me confuse like hell for the past few weeks or so

degil kepala batu

but she's attrative..

&&& i dont know...she's the only one tts has been layan-ing me dammit..

I feel like im her rebound guy, u know?

ah well..

for the nxt couple of weeks, we'll see what her intentions towards me..
im ready for it

LAI AH!

hahahaha

okok..

pix from KL

for fans of Bleeding Through, be jealous bitches..

woohoo!

ok, thats all folks!

ok, im done..

god bless..

2008-02-14T00:11:00.002+08:00

hey
been a long time since i've been here..
well, its valentine's and couples all around the world are celebrating it..
good for them!

as for me, i thot i found someone myself..
but was just a fling to her..
so yeap! here i am once again, loner for 2 yrs already

so ANW

HEADLINE NEWS

Every Rage I Seek is releasing its debue EP this Sunday at art house during their show!
Opening band!
come see!
Gonna be playing their new song titled "Iconoclast"
SEE YOU IN THE PITS MOTHERFUCKERS!!!

HAAHHAHAHA

in other news, school's gonna be over in less than a mth!
wooopieee!
but im kinda scared..
what's life after ITE?
Poly? NS?
afraid of the unknown siaaaa
oh my god
what's there waiting for me after ITE life
a chapter is about to close..
but a new one is about to begin

JENG JENG JENG!!!

HAHAHAHAHA

in other news
i get tired easily these days..
i get pissed easily these days..
i missed alot of ppl these days..
i made no attempt to mingle these days..
i just wanna be normal..
enough is enough
im am uttering rubbish these days
just like this post..
utterly rubbish..
just like me...

rubbish=me
me=asshar
thus, rubbish inside dustbin=me
since rubbish=me, that means im rubbish
if im rubbish-dustbin=alot of mess..
alot of mess=very dirty

-_-"
ok lame..
a failed attempt to be a genius

ANW
here's a prelude to "Iconoclast"

"Iconoclast"

Destruction of monuments

A symbol of fidelity for a thousand years

Chaos for their own cause

Created so much agony

That i have LOST all sense of PURITY

The stench of blood, is overwhelming me

basically ladies and gentleman, this new song is abt ppl who declare themselves as "holy men"

they'll do anything to create havoc

even if their religion is on the line

they'll use their own religion to spread terror and create chaos

the age of new beliefs is over

now, the age of forgiveness and repent is at hand

grab the oppurtunity to repent now before u enter the grave

be brave to admit fault

be wise to seek forgiveness

be strong at the face of adversity

be smart at the face of liars

ok, im done..

god bless...

2008-01-19T15:51:00.000+08:00

there has never been a day when im not thinking about how fed up i am
and the worse part is, you cant do anything abt it
i know that yes, u can do something abt it, to improve something
but how to do it
tts another question

i dont get the idea of people who takes things for granted gets whatever they want with just a snap of their fingers
whereas those who work hard for it, just dont seem to haf e same luck as them

this concept can be used in every situation, in your everyday life
sometimes, the idea to working hard for something that u want, is just a waste of time
but from another point of view, maybe your just not working hard enough for your goal
thats the irony part that gets on my nerves at times like this.

so my question to u is, to give up? or to continue trying to reach your goal, with a chance that your just wasting time...

it just gets on my nerves when i see ppl who are so fucking high class disrespect ppl like me; those who haf got no "style" of some sort
u think ur one big mofo arent u?
u think ur fucking talented u can haf e whole world dont u?
u think u got the looks, it'll get u a better life huh?

face e facts dumb fuckers..
u'd get used easily shit heads..
wake up and smell ur own motherfucking shit u fucking cunt

ah well..
just another day of me being me..
thank u for ur time fuckerssssss...

ok, im done..
god bless...

2008-01-09T01:32:00.000+08:00

fuck u FUCK U fuck u FUCK U fuck u FUCK U fuck u
fuck u FUCK U fuck u FUCK U fuck u fuck u FUCK U fuck u FUCK U fuck u fuck u FUCK U fuck u FUCK U fuck u fuck u FUCK U fuck u FUCK U fuck u fuck u FUCK U fuck u fuck u FUCK U fuck u FUCK U fuck u u FUCK U fuck u fuck u FUCK U fuck u FUCK U fuck u fuck u FUCK U fuck u FUCK U fuck u

fuck everything
im too pissed to be whatever u want me to do
and that includes u too bitch motherfucker!!!

nfwioeqnfpoqnm3rgv[pkm[;pq3gmv[m

2008-01-09T00:11:00.000+08:00

have u ever felt pissed when u want something so badly, u worked so fucking damn hard, n in the end, u didnt manage to haf it? but the worse part is, those who arent even trying is getting it

so easily than u...doesnt tt just piss u off??
nvm...i doubt u know what im trying to say...

so anw, 1st post for the new yr which to me doesnt even matter

its just another stupid celebration tt men came up with for knows whatever reason

slaughterhouse massacre was awesome

we were the 3rd band i think...

but in any case, we did great

the crowd was a lil mundane though but nonetheless, awesome gig as a whole
1st time watching cardiac necropsy playing

they're awesome but the music is just not my cup of tea

other than tt, i had a great day on e 29th dec

in any case, sch just started
damn lazy but nvm...last term...chiong lorrrr...

okay, here's some pic from slaughter house massacre..

thanks for syq and two other ladies tt helped to take e pix of e gig

ok im done...

god bless..

P.S. sorry if e pix arrangement looks weird..technology's purposely gg against me...

nabe cb

2007-12-23T23:45:00.000+08:00

im drained from any forms of energy
my head's heavy
im fucking annoyed at everyone's comment
my lips are dry
my throat's sore
im damn exhausted from everyone's demand, everyone's burden, everyone's FUCKs
azhar do this, azhar do that, azhar u okay?, azhar be like this
tired, exhausted, binget, angry, sad, confuse

fuck fuck fuck

ok im done
god bless

2007-12-23T21:54:00.000+08:00

alrite
im back bitches

ytd, had an event at RP
in evening, met up wit rasul, syq and khairi
syq went to get some stationary while me rasul n khai go fullflight at youthpark

the most solid band for me are as follow

>7 pound vein

OMG LAAA
they're like so awesome dammit
the vocals were an inspiration for me as im still a learner to improve on my vocals
both e vocalist were so awesome that they gave me ghoosebumps
and e solos, were tremendously awesome as well
hair behind my neck literally stood i tell ya
and the song INTAN was OMG OMG OMG!!
sedap gile babi
now thats what i call a simple awesome great down to earth metalcore

>oh chenta ku

the selangor based band. 3 piece band furthermore
at 1st, i thot they were crap
tts till they started to play
the guitarist/vocals swung his guitar ard his neck twice..
that i gotta respect boy
not only on one side, but both sides too
dammit
n they were so into the song tt they didnt even care abt using e mic to sing or whatever
they just shouted e lyrics out...
their showmenship for me graded 10/10 for me
at the ending of their set, e bassist thru a kick on e guitarist..
hahaha..
they had fun on e stage
tts all that seemed to be mattered for them
perform n haf fun
tts whats impt

at the end of e show, i realise, there's no spirit in e music scene in spore..
there's too many segregation between bands; with each band thinking that they're above e other
but a matter of fact, u cant do tt cuz different bands play different types of music
there's no together-ness here in spore..
its a shame i tell ya
criticism's everywhere

alrite, thats all for now
ERIS having a show this coming saturday n im really nervous and anxious cuz this will be our break..
this will be our stepping stone
its either we step up to e plate, or we fail
there's no room for error

if u want tix, just pm here for it
5bucks per tix

ok, thats all
god bless

2007-12-17T22:50:00.000+08:00

damn
i've got responsibility assholes
dun u haf any fucking brains to think?
i gotta help out at home and all
i know ur damn free but that doesnt mean u got the fucking rights to call me names
once or twice is okay
but this is too much
im fucking annoyed with it motherfucker
go fuck yourself

ok im done
god bless

2007-12-09T23:14:00.000+08:00

tragedy
men faces different types of tragedies in their life
there's a wide range of tragedies that one could experience
from the lost of a loved ones, to being in an ordeal that threatens his life
from this tragedies, they learn, they repent, they seek comfort in knowing that they survive through such ordeals and would be prepared to face another, if needed to

disputes between men are one such tragedies that should be avoided
men are suppose to be the most advance race in this universe, well the known in e universe anw
but yet, we act millenium backwards, barbarians..

murder, genocide, pillage, killings

men fighting in e name of god
accusing others of false sins that they never did
hatred spread like a disease through the lands of men
falsehood being intepret as truth
in this land of men
parents grief for the lost of their child
grief for the lost of husbands, wives, children, brothers, sisters
at a cost of someone else's greed, lust for power
motherfucking dreams of world domination
but is it worth it?
blood for power?
to me, not worth it...

ok, i've uttered enuf for tonite..

ok, im done
god bless..

2007-12-07T19:05:00.000+08:00

the last show was lousy

sound system's bullshit

wasnt much crowd

but the unity, i am proud

stand by each other they will

hardcore dance they did

ok, i shall not ryhme the thing anymoreeee

nothing much to update

like the saying goes, "otak blank" which means my brain's blank..

haha

ok, looking forward to 29th

but damn nervous yet excited

crazy

OH!

she surprise call me last nite

i wont forget how fast she talk

she sound very excited yet determined to try and continue e convo..

her voice keeps ringing in my head..

im mesmerised by her voice

really..

she call herself shy fella..

weirdoooo..

HAHAHAHA

is she's reading this, DONT BE SHY

lol

but i think there's no hope between us..

ahwells..

like chinese say, BO PIAN

see how everything goessss...

ah well, in other news, ERIS's songs are out

im not that satisfied with it..

but ohwell..we're planning to get started on new stuff..

hope everything goes well..

thanks syq for the pix

& thanks to those who came down...

lousy set..

ok, im doneeee...

god bless...

2007-11-25T00:06:00.000+08:00

its amazing what human can do to another human for their own gains
torture, inhumane treatment of another human being..
its so fucking disturbing
they do such things for various reasons which i haf no idea what it is.
but i can assure u, it has to stop
but because of politics, no action can be done to stop such acts
instead, it makes things worse as now, the torturers have a political agenda

so much hatred between men
to think they call themselves the most advance being in the known universe
but yet they act like barbarians behind closed doors
contradicting, doesnt it?

all politicians do is talk and talk and talk
the only time when they take action is when under pressure from other nations or its becuz they'll gain something out of it
sincerity doesnt exist anymore in this corrupted, filthy and spoilt world

its been said tt judgement day is near..
is it really near?
would judgement day come in e shape of e meteorite tt ended e age of e dinosaurs?
or would men self destruct?

2007-11-20T23:34:00.000+08:00

aku mentally penat bodoh
2 straight weeks takde masa untok rehat..
sial betol
one after another problems keep arising..
knnccb

aku stress
i cant help it
stress mcm sial..

people at home arent helping me much
it just gets worse at home with all e noise.
dammit..
i wan a house of my own someday..
peace and quiet

i need a break..
my brains are exhausted
i need a break
from all the commotion from my everyday life

i fucking need a break..
this is only ITE
imagine how e hell am i gonna survive in this cruel, fucking annoying working work..
fuck
i think two months later, im gonna be kicked out from my office..
pfft..
damn loser...
born a loser, forever loser

ok bye fucker

im done
god bless

2007-11-16T22:04:00.000+08:00

1st project for the term, DONE
can relax for moment..
another round of work will be coming my way
goddammit..

anw, i feel damn bad now
it shouldnt have happen..
now, she's left hanging..
and seriously, i dun feel anything for her..
how e fuck am i to settle this?
ergh..
ur such an asshole azharrrrrrr.......

ccb..

anw, tmr's aidil's turn to face e mic..
hope everything turns well..

everything is falling into places now..
im a useless piece of shit..

im done..
god bless..

2007-11-06T20:01:00.000+08:00

ok
im like the happiest bastard now
a friend tt i've for abt a yr called me..
been so long since i heard her voice
she's in pain now..
u know i got ur back gundu..
anw, her voice was oh-so-ever-annoyingly-freakingly-stupidly-mintak-kene-sepakly-sweeeeeeet
i miss her so much laaaaa..
still remember e day tt we got to know each other..
i got whacked at e balls when she saw me laaaa...
so the anti-climax..
dammit..

thot i could fall for her, but nxt thing i know, she gotta go away..
n now, her future is uncertain cuz she's migrated somewhere else..
last time we met, was at bugis, ate nasi ayam and i gave her one huge hug tt she said she was almost squashed to death!
(sorry hun!)
ahaha

would i ever see her again?
would i be able to squeeze her again like before?
god damn i miss herrrr!!!

haiz..

come back lehhh...
ppl here misses u like fuck sial..

ok, im done..
god bless..

2007-11-02T17:55:00.000+08:00

alot of things have been said
its been said out of jealousy thats been bottled up for mths to a yr
this yr, the damage is done
i admit, jealousy took over me once but im long done with tt feeling of hatred
my apologise for my actions earlier
i swear to you
you guys didnt mean a fucking shit to me when i came in
it didnt matter what u guys do, say or acted towards me
becuz, i just dun fucking care
but as time pass, unfortunately, i sense a belonging tt i've seek for quite some time now
this "belonging" wouldnt last forever
but what we do, will result in our future's success of being true to one another

Feelings of jealousy, hatred and biasness must be stopped
we were once a force to be reckoned with
but now, shattered becuz of those fucking thoughts
things wouldnt be e same again
but nonetheless, that doesnt mean tt we have the right to just let it be?
would tt really result in our favour?
No.
it'll result into much more worse
an example would be being enemies in the future
we humans dun need enemies
we need to support each other in any way possible
and not to talk behind each other's back
for that action, i do apologise too becuz i myself haf done such acts

the situation got out of hand
it must be taken care of immediately
but the approach to resolve everything wasnt a good idea
try and imagine 20 plus pairs of eyes staring at you for the answer
wouldnt that be pressuring?
call me a loser but i felt sorry for the person cuz for e rest of them, they wanted answers
IF only it was approach on a one-on-one basis, then maybe things might have went well

as much as i hate to say this, i wouldnt wanna see e split in us
where was e love u guys showed for each other every morning?
what happened to the times when we chit chat like there's no tmr?
how could this haf happen?
who are we to blame?
the answers lies in yourself
depends on how u wan to see the situation tt is at hand

this issue will never rest till we HAVE to go our separate ways
till then, i hope those who are involved in the fucking shit wouldnt give up on getting the right answers to the problems that we're currently facing
i beg of you ppl not to turn the other cheek

WE're a TEAM
WE're the FUCKINGLY-SUPERLY-DUPERLY-ULTRA.LY-HOT-SMOKING-TEAM

again, from e bottom of my heart, im sorry
my sincere apolgise
minta maaf
tui pu ji (if thats how u spell it)

p.s. dammit, i need to find myself a sweet date..fuck.

ok, im done..
god bless...

2007-10-23T21:45:00.000+08:00

motherfuckers.
i think its time for me to finally blow things up in proportion
i hate fucking noises
i hate being surrounded by ppl
i wanna be left alone after schoooooooooooooooool
i wan some time for my fucking ownnnnnnnn
is tt so hard to ask????
semua, azhar buat ni, azhar buat tu..
cmon..
im still a TEEN
let me fucking enjoy my fucking self before having any responsibility...

_ _I_ _

a middle finger look alike to those who annoy the fuck out of me...

now fuck off motherfucker
and leave me aloneeeeeeeeeeeeeee........

ok, im done..
god bless..

2007-10-21T21:16:00.000+08:00

you guys knw what?
i think the most greatest companions u can ever haf is music
why?
cuz when u listen to it, whatever genre it is, its able to release ur anger/stress or whatsoever shitty feeling u got
music doesnt disappoint you
it stays loyal to u till u die

and if ur in a band, the better
whatever instruments you play, let it be a keyboardist or e vocals, when u do ur thing when during ur jamming session or performance, u'd be able to pour out ur feelings...
for now, i really nid a session for myself..

squel like a motherfucking pig
scream like a motherfucking bitch
punch myself/wall/head/air like a motherfucking lunatic

i'd do whatever it is to just "let go" of myself..
after a solid 2 hours, i'd be fine..
how weird is tt?

retarded? i knw..
but who cares?
mofo

fags frm ERIS, bila mau jam sial?
kepala buto...

she hates ppl who curse..
dammit...i need to cut down on it..
ergh

ok, im done...
god bless..

2007-10-19T00:10:00.000+08:00

i make u feel like crap
why?
and you think by us separating ways would resolve it?
when face upon another problem, you're gonna run away too?
dun do this to me
im begging you
you've made me smile to myself
you've made me feel so happy to the point of beyond words
we enjoy each other's company
so why end it?
why?
why?
why?

i wish i can hate you
but i cant
i dun haf the heart to..

ok, im done.
god bless..

2007-10-18T13:52:00.001+08:00

everything was well
everything was fine
hearing ur voice
made me smile

your laughter is rare
i could hardly bare
to resist myself
to laugh as well

whats goin on??
im left in e dark
what did i do to make you hate me so much???
the phonecall ended wit both with a smile

did i offend u in any way?
im sorry
did i tease you badly?
im sorry
am i not to your standard?
im sorry

please i beg of you, dun hate me

gonna go jamming later
once im back, i'd be voiceless..

ok, im done..
god bless..

2007-10-17T23:50:00.001+08:00

how long more can i stand this?
im not sure
why am i doing this?
dont know
feel like giving up?
yes
is it worth while to give up?
no/yes....im not sureeee..
what do you plan to do?
i dont know...im in a dilemma..

fuck...
back to schoooooool...
same old shit again...
hafta face the same shit again
fuck tits yaw..
tmr jamming session wit e fags frm eris..
thank god..
i wun haf any more voice after tmr i guess..

ok, im done...
god bless...

2007-10-15T21:18:00.000+08:00

its not fair
im the victim of something tt has got nth to do with me
you seem to be holding back
i hope by holding back, ur doin e right thing
i hope it works for you cuz its not working for me
but too bad
i cant do anything abt it
hope it turns out well

anw, the season doesnt mean anything to me anymore
its just like another day in ur dull life but e only difference is tt ppl come over to ur place to visit
im too tired to be bothered abt anything

im in my low point..
im in my fucking fucked up point where my medicine is goin to e studio n scream my lungs out till my voice turn sore
i shall fuck e stage up on e 24th nov gig, perform without any shirt on...
and fuck it up
i nid to fuck things up a notch these fucking days

ok, im done...
god bless..

2007-10-15T01:15:00.000+08:00

i feel the festive season has worn out its meaning with each yr passing
its e same old shit again, over and over again each yr
the bazaar tt is held every yr
i think its a bigger size of a normal pasar malam tt u get every few mths under ur void deck
frm there, all kinds off ppl u can see

i am taught tt girls should nvr wear tight fitting clothes tt show off their figure
but u haf girls wearing e traditional malay dresses of kebaya so fucking tight, tt sometimes, i think their boobs are gonna fall off or their ass-es are squeeze together under a fucking tight skirt

then e males, u haf golden monkeys wearing songkok..
wtf is tt all abt?
with long side burns...
n it seems to me tt its a trend to wear a huge 70s style shades...

the purpose of e season is totally corrupted..

seriously, its just sad.......

ok u motherfuckers..

u haf a good hari raya now..
n be good...

tmr sch..
knnccb

ok, im done
god bless